SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 11/20/10: TSA


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 7

10g: Anne Hathaway / Florence and the Machine


Girl #1…..Kristen Wiig
Girl #2…..Abby Elliott
Girl #3…..Nasim Pedrad
TSA Agent #1…..Kenan Thompson
TSA Agent #2…..Bill Hader
TSA Agent #3…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: [ over SUPER: ] “The following is a paid advertisement.”

[ dissolve to hazy, soft-porn images of various girls ]

Girl #1: Feeling lonely this holiday season?

Girl #2: Looking for a little human interaction?

Girl #3: Do you want to feel contact in certain… “special” places?

[ dissolve to three TSA agents ]

TSA Agent #1: Then why not go through security at an airport?

[ dissolve to title card: “Transportation Security Administration” ]

V/O: The TSA.

[ dissolve back to the TSA agents ]

TSA Agent #2: TSA agents are ready and standing by to give you a little something extra to feel thankful about this holiday season.

[ the letters “T S A” scroll slowly across a black screen ]

V/O: T-S-A!

[ dissolve to another TSA agent ]

TSA Agent #3: What are you waiting for? [ he snaps a rubber glove onto his hand ] I want to check under your testicles!

[ the letters “T S A” scroll slowly across a black screen ]

V/O: T-S-A!

[ dissolve to seductive angle scrolls of the TSA agents ]

Announcer: Spending time with a TSA agent couldn’t be easier. Simply book a flight departing from any American airport. When selected for a full body scanning, say “No.” You’ll be pulled aside by a TSA agent, and that’s when the fun begins. And you never know who your agent will be.

[ dissolve to tight shots of the girls ]

Girl #3: It could be me.

Girl #2: Or me.

Girl #1: Or even me.

[ cut to the three TSA agents ]

TSA Agent #1: But it’s probably gonna be US! Now TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN SHOE!!!

[ dissolve to title card: “Transportation Security Administration” ]

Announcer: The TSA. It’s our business to touch yours.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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