Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 8
December 4th, 2010
Diddy Dirty Money
Michael Patrick O’Brien
WikiLeaks: TMZSummary: Julian Assange (Bill Hader) interrupts a message from President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) to display footage of politicians caught in compromising positions.
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joseph Biden, Muammer Kaddafi.
Robert DeNiro’s MonologueSummary: Although he was born in New York, Robert DeNiro gets all the facts about his hometown confused with other cities.
The Abacus ConundrumSummary: Quick-published author Harlan Kane (Robert DeNiro) announces his latest tome — get it now before his next wave of titles are released.
What Up With That?Summary: Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) interrupts Hollywood guests Robert DeNiro, Robin Williams, and Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) so he can continue singing his theme song.
Recurring Characters: Diondre Cole, Lindsey Buckingham.
From the Garden with Mr. ProduceSummary: Mr. Produce, Tony Sicilia (Robert DeNiro), is riddled with bug-infested produce because his angst-ridden college son (Andy Samberg) forgot to water the vegetables while he was out-of-town to appear on “The Today Show”.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Harebrained junior executives (Andy Samberg, Bill Hader) arrive at a “Party at Mr. Bernard’s” (Robert DeNiro) to find their host deceased, only to be called out on their stunt to pretend he’s alive so they can score with bodacious babes.
Diddy Dirty Money performs “Coming Home”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Kim (Nasim Pedrad), Khloe (Abby Elliott) and Kourtney Kardashian (Vanessa Bayer) apologize for a failed attempt at issuing their own credit card. “Spider-man: The Musical” actor Ryan Christopher (Andy Samberg) hangs upside-down to relate tales of accidents inflicted upon his predecessors. 1982 aerobics instructor Janet Judy Tran (Kristen Wiig) performs while providing obesity weight-loss tips.
Recurring Characters: Kim Kardashian.
Little FockersSummary: Little boy Keith (Bobby Moynhian) is amazed by all the behind-the-scenes personnel working on “Little Fockers”, but is unimpressed by actor Robert DeNiro.
Recurring Characters: Keith.
Blizzard ManSummary: Blizzard Man (Andy Samberg) and his mother (Robert DeNiro) lay down a track on Diddy’s new album.
Recurring Characters: Blizzard Man.
La Rivista Della TelevisioneSummary: Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) tries to get guest Robert DeNiro to say the famous line from “Taxi Driver”.
Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci, Vinny Vedecci’s son, crew members.
Bosley Hair RestorationSummary: Spokesperson (Jason Sudeikis) explains the hair loss restoration system that uses pubic hair as a baldness solution.
Note: Repeat from 10a.
Diddy Dirty Money and Swizz Beatz perform “Ass on the Floor”
It’s a LivingSummary: After a stressful day at the office, Calvin (Andy Samberg) wonders who he has to screw to get a drink at the bar, and is surprised to meet the two long-haired drifters (Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller) who maintain that responsibility.
Greetings from American America: I, HippieSummary: In a cartoon by Fred Wolf, a hippie (Dana Carvey) talks about the good old days while working at McDonald’s.
Note: This cartoon finally airs after being cut from several dress rehearsals this past season.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Don’t Ask, Don’t TellSummary: Sen. John McCain (Bill Hader) and Joseph Lieberman (Fred Armisen) comment on the lifting of the Army’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
Recurring Characters: John McCain, Joseph Lieberman.
Feline Culinary CreationsSummary: Succulent gourmet dishes are used as the inspiration for the wet square glop that ends up in finicky cats’ dinner bowls.
Note: This ad parody will air on next week’s episode hosted by Paul Rudd.
Lewis & ClarkSummary: High school history class features a presentation on the story of Lewis & Clark.
TrinaSummary: Trina (Kristen Wiig) yells “Thomas!”
Recurring Characters: Trina.
ChoreographerSummary: A choreography teacher (Robert DeNiro) can’t resist his urge for steak.
Greetings from American America: Girls on a DodgeSummary: In a cartoon by Fred Wolf, two girls chat on the back of a Dodge pick-up.