Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 8
10h: Robert DeNiro / Diddy Dirty Money
The Abacus Conundrum
Harlan Kane…..Robert DeNiro
[ open on images of various book covers ]
Announcer: From best selling novelist Harlan Kane, author of “The Medici Codex”, “The Perseus Enigma”, and “The Genghis Rubicon”… comes an all-new thriller that you won’t be able to put down:
[ dissolve to new book cover ]
Announcer: “The Abacus Conundrum”.
[ dissolve to Harlan Kane proudly holding up his new book ]
Harlan Kane: I wrote another book. Buckle up!
[ dissolve to more book covers ]
Announcer: He had you on the edge of your seat, with “The Harlequin Protocol”, “The Ichabod Formula”, and “The Pinochet Sudoku”.
[ dissolve to new book cover ]
Announcer: He’ll blow you over the edge… with “The Abacus Conundrum”.
[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane ]
Harlan Kane: Did you buckle up yet?
[ dissolve to more book covers ]
Announcer: “The Nostradamus Mechanism”, “The Godiva Gyroscope”, “The Pokemon Directive”.
[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane smirking ]
Announcer: And now, Harlan Kane has crafted his most brilliant adventure yet!
[ cut to Harlan Kane jumping from the excitement of reading his own book ]
Harlan Kane: Whoa-oa! [ laughing ] Didn’t see that coming! [ he holds his composure and smirks ]
[ dissolve to more book covers ]
Announcer: The acclaimed visionary behind “The Vespucci Containment”, “The Grimmelman Mosaic”, and “The Marmaduke Betrayal”.
[ dissolve to new book cover ]
Announcer: And now… “The Abacus Conundrum”.
[ cut to Harlan Kane still reading his own book ]
Harlan Kane: A lot of good words in this book.
[ dissolve to more book covers ]
Announcer: AND… in January 2011… get ready for: “The Picasso Imbroglio”, “The Brenda Effect”, “The Fuddruckers Ultimatum”, AND “Mac for Dummies”.
[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane smirking and moving his head around ]
Announcer: ALL from visionary author Harlan Kane!
[ dissolve to new book cover ]
Announcer: “The Abacus Conundrum”.
[ dissolve to Harlan Kane shrugging his shoulders ]
Harlan Kane: I don’t know. People keep reading them!
[ dissolve to new book cover, with “$8.99 at Rite-Aid” tag ]
Announcer: Available EVERYWHERE!
[ fade ]
