SNL Transcripts: Paul Rudd: 12/11/10: What’s That Name?


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 8

10i: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney

What’s That Name?

Vince Blight…..Bill Hader
Jake…..Paul Rudd
Carolyn…..Vanessa Bayer
Norman…..Kenan Thompson
Mary…..Kristen Wiig

Announcer: And now, it’s time to play: “What’s That Name?” And here’s your host — Vince Blight!

[ Vince Blight runs onto the game set ]

Vince Blight: Alright! Hello, hello, hello! And welcome to “What’s That Name?” The rules are simple: We show you a person, and you tell us their name! Our contestants today are: Jake, a CFO at Smith & Price; and Carolyn, a senior partner at Chapman Real Estate. And the first question goes to Jake: [ image: Jared Fogel holding large pants ] He’s Subway’s #1 spokesman. What’s That Name!

Jake: [ confidently ] Jared Fogel!

[ ding! ]

Vince Blight: $20 for you! Carolyn, you’re up: [ image: Steve Zahn ] He’s the second lead in the film “Saving Silverman”. What’s That Name!

Carolyn: [ thinking ] Oh… uh… I know this. Um… Steve Zahn!

[ ding! ]

Vince Blight: $20 for you! Now it’s time to up the ante. The next one is for $10,000. And here to read the clue… is the man himself!

[ a building doorman steps out ]

Norman: I’ve been your doorman for FOUR years! I open the door for you every day! I’ve always got a joke… and a smile! What’s MY name!

Jake: [ smiling with embarrassment ] Heyyyy! Hey, man! How’s it — how’s it hanging?

Norman: Low and lazy. What’s my name! I know your whole family! Your son, Ozzie, loves outer space! What’s my name!

Jake: …Carl?

[ buzz! ]

Vince Blight: Audience! What’s that name!

Audience: NORMAN!!

Norman: [ fuming ] Norman the Doorman.

Jake: I’m — I’m so sorry! [ with awkward desperation ] Say… hi to the wife for me.

Norman: I’m sorry, what’s that?! Say hi to my wife? Yeah, okay — I’ll take the BUS… out to Forest Hills CEMETERY… and tell her that you said HELLO!!

[ Norman storms off the set ]

Jake: [ annoyed ] God… what the hell kind of show IS this?!

Vince Blight: It’s “What’s That Name?”! [ he smiles ] Carolyn, you’re up! And we’ve got another walk-on clue!

[ a cleaning lady steps out with her garbage can ]

Mary: For ten years, I clean your office every day. What’s my name?

Carolyn: [ stunned ] Ohhhhh, it’s… you! Uhhhh… Do you have any fun plans for the holidays?

Mary: Yes. CLEANING YOUR OFFICE!! What’s my name?

Vince Blight: [ mocking ] You don’t seem to know her naaaame!

Carolyn: [ struggling to save face ] I think it’s something, like… Eeee-yore?

Mary: That is cartoon donkey.

Carolyn: Of course, it is! Uh… Eeee-dore!

[ buzz! ]

Vince Blight: What’s That Name!

Audience: MARY!!

Mary: [ pissed ] But Steve Zahn you know.

[ Mary strolls off the set ]

Carolyn: I just wish… those people wore name tags.

Vince Blight: [ incredulous ] Those people?!

Jake: I do want to say: I think what you’re doing is pretty lousy!

Vince Blight: Well, I think you’re lousy!

Jake: Do you know your cameramen’s names?

Vince Blight: The middle one’s Charlie!

Jake: What about the other two?

Vince Blight: IIIII’m not a contestant!

Jake: What are their names?!

Vince Blight: I’d tell you if I were a contestant… but I’m not! YOU are! And here’s your next clue:

[ a group of students enters ]

Jake: Who the hell are they?

Vince Blight: Eight of your summer interns. They worked for you for free for four months. If you can tell me any of their names… I’ll give you a MILLION DOLLARS!

Jake: I, uhhh… [ panicking ] Oh, geez… I don’t know. I don’t know, I’m just gonna say a name. Josh.

[ ding! ]

Vince Blight: There are THREE Joshes! That means you win THREE million dollars!

Jake: [ excited ] Oh, WOW!!

Vince Blight: Plus, you’ve got the opportunity to go double or nothing in our BONUS ROUND!! What do you say?

Jake: Alright, well, you know, I-I guess I’m on a HOT streak! Let’s go double or nothing!

Vince Blight: Fantastic! Here to read the bonus clue… is the man himself!

[ Norman runs out once again ]

Norman: WHAT’S MY NAME!!

Jake: [ fidgeting ] Ohhhh!! God, no! I-I wasn’t paying attention before! Josh?

[ buzz! ]

Vince Blight: Wwwwhat’s that name!

Audience: NORMAN!!!

Vince Blight: Norman the Doorman! It RHYMES, even!

Jake: Yeah. Right, it does. So easy.

Vince Blight: Well, Jake, that puts you back to ZERO. That’s our show. But stayed tuned for a NEW game show called: “What’s ni Your Internet History?” Yikes! Whew!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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