Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 8
10i: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney
What’s That Name?
Vince Blight…..Bill Hader
Jake…..Paul Rudd
Carolyn…..Vanessa Bayer
Norman…..Kenan Thompson
Mary…..Kristen Wiig
Announcer: And now, it’s time to play: “What’s That Name?” And here’s your host — Vince Blight!
[ Vince Blight runs onto the game set ]
Vince Blight: Alright! Hello, hello, hello! And welcome to “What’s That Name?” The rules are simple: We show you a person, and you tell us their name! Our contestants today are: Jake, a CFO at Smith & Price; and Carolyn, a senior partner at Chapman Real Estate. And the first question goes to Jake: [ image: Jared Fogel holding large pants ] He’s Subway’s #1 spokesman. What’s That Name!
Jake: [ confidently ] Jared Fogel!
[ ding! ]
Vince Blight: $20 for you! Carolyn, you’re up: [ image: Steve Zahn ] He’s the second lead in the film “Saving Silverman”. What’s That Name!
Carolyn: [ thinking ] Oh… uh… I know this. Um… Steve Zahn!
[ ding! ]
Vince Blight: $20 for you! Now it’s time to up the ante. The next one is for $10,000. And here to read the clue… is the man himself!
[ a building doorman steps out ]
Norman: I’ve been your doorman for FOUR years! I open the door for you every day! I’ve always got a joke… and a smile! What’s MY name!
Jake: [ smiling with embarrassment ] Heyyyy! Hey, man! How’s it — how’s it hanging?
Norman: Low and lazy. What’s my name! I know your whole family! Your son, Ozzie, loves outer space! What’s my name!
Jake: …Carl?
[ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: Audience! What’s that name!
Audience: NORMAN!!
Norman: [ fuming ] Norman the Doorman.
Jake: I’m — I’m so sorry! [ with awkward desperation ] Say… hi to the wife for me.
Norman: I’m sorry, what’s that?! Say hi to my wife? Yeah, okay — I’ll take the BUS… out to Forest Hills CEMETERY… and tell her that you said HELLO!!
[ Norman storms off the set ]
Jake: [ annoyed ] God… what the hell kind of show IS this?!
Vince Blight: It’s “What’s That Name?”! [ he smiles ] Carolyn, you’re up! And we’ve got another walk-on clue!
[ a cleaning lady steps out with her garbage can ]
Mary: For ten years, I clean your office every day. What’s my name?
Carolyn: [ stunned ] Ohhhhh, it’s… you! Uhhhh… Do you have any fun plans for the holidays?
Mary: Yes. CLEANING YOUR OFFICE!! What’s my name?
Vince Blight: [ mocking ] You don’t seem to know her naaaame!
Carolyn: [ struggling to save face ] I think it’s something, like… Eeee-yore?
Mary: That is cartoon donkey.
Carolyn: Of course, it is! Uh… Eeee-dore!
[ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: What’s That Name!
Audience: MARY!!
Mary: [ pissed ] But Steve Zahn you know.
[ Mary strolls off the set ]
Carolyn: I just wish… those people wore name tags.
Vince Blight: [ incredulous ] Those people?!
Jake: I do want to say: I think what you’re doing is pretty lousy!
Vince Blight: Well, I think you’re lousy!
Jake: Do you know your cameramen’s names?
Vince Blight: The middle one’s Charlie!
Jake: What about the other two?
Vince Blight: IIIII’m not a contestant!
Jake: What are their names?!
Vince Blight: I’d tell you if I were a contestant… but I’m not! YOU are! And here’s your next clue:
[ a group of students enters ]
Jake: Who the hell are they?
Vince Blight: Eight of your summer interns. They worked for you for free for four months. If you can tell me any of their names… I’ll give you a MILLION DOLLARS!
Jake: I, uhhh… [ panicking ] Oh, geez… I don’t know. I don’t know, I’m just gonna say a name. Josh.
[ ding! ]
Vince Blight: There are THREE Joshes! That means you win THREE million dollars!
Jake: [ excited ] Oh, WOW!!
Vince Blight: Plus, you’ve got the opportunity to go double or nothing in our BONUS ROUND!! What do you say?
Jake: Alright, well, you know, I-I guess I’m on a HOT streak! Let’s go double or nothing!
Vince Blight: Fantastic! Here to read the bonus clue… is the man himself!
[ Norman runs out once again ]
Norman: WHAT’S MY NAME!!
Jake: [ fidgeting ] Ohhhh!! God, no! I-I wasn’t paying attention before! Josh?
[ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: Wwwwhat’s that name!
Audience: NORMAN!!!
Vince Blight: Norman the Doorman! It RHYMES, even!
Jake: Yeah. Right, it does. So easy.
Vince Blight: Well, Jake, that puts you back to ZERO. That’s our show. But stayed tuned for a NEW game show called: “What’s ni Your Internet History?” Yikes! Whew!
[ fade ]
