Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 8
10i: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney
Meryl Streep On Ice
Meryl Streep…..Abby Elliott
Woman #1…..Vanessa Bayer
Man #1…..Paul Brittain
Man #2…..Jason Sudeikis
Man #3…..Taran Killam
[ open on intercut close-up footage of an ice skater preparing for a performance ]
Announcer: This holiday season, at Madison Square Garden. There’s only one show… one skater… that families everywhere are flocking to see.
[ pan upward on skates to reveal: ]
Announcer: Meryl Streep… On Ice.
Meryl Streep: [ with mock humility ] Oh — STOP it! [ she shakes her head ]
[ reveal wide angle footage of Meryl Streep ice skating ]
Announcer: She mastered the stage… the screen… and now Meryl Streep takes to the rink.
[ cut to close-up of Meryl Streep as she holds a wine glass ]
Meryl Streep: Like it’s anything! I’m just… having fun!
[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]
Meryl Streep: I’ve skated twice.. in my life! [ she chuckles ]
[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]
[ cut to audience testimonials ]
Woman #1: It was… UNBELIEVABLE!
Man #1: BETTER than “Sophie’s Choice”!
[ cut to Man #2 ]
Man #2: [ emotional ] All of a sudden, she was out there — a-a-and I didn’t even know she could skate! And, uh — [ gasping as he fights a tear ] I don’t know why I’m getting emotional! [ he laughs ]
[ cut to kids ]
Kids: MERYL!! MERYL!! MERYL!! MERYL!!
[ cut to Man #2 ]
Man #2: [ tearing up ] I’m sorry!
[ cut to Man #3 ]
Man #3: Uhh — th bitch can SKATE!
[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]
Announcer: It’s Meryl Streep like you’ve NEVER seen her before.
[ cut to close-up of Meryl Streep as she holds a wine glass at a dinner table ]
Meryl Streep: I just… GET on the ice and GO! [ she chuckles and shakes her head at the idea ]
[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]
Announcer: Meryl Streep On Ice. Choreography by Nancy Meyers.
[ cut to kids ]
Kids: WE LOVE MERYL!!
[ fade ]