Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 10
10j: Jeff Bridges / Eminem & Lil Wayne
Jeff Bridges’ Monologue
…..Jeff Bridges
Cookie Monster…..David Rudman
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Jeff Bridges!
Jeff Bridges: It’s great to be here! You know, the last time I hosted this show was in 1983. Can you believe that? I guess I did a pretty good job, considering how fast they had me back!
Mostly I’ve been making movies for the last 27 years. And I’ve been bless to play a lot of amazing roles in some great films. But, of all those roles, the one I get recognized for the most is “The Dude”. But I got to say, it’s king of a bummer man ’cause, you know, that not me, right? Because “The Dude”, he’s a character, right? And I’m… I’m Jeff Bridges. A real person! Yeah? For instance, “The Dude”, he has uh… he has trouble expressing himself, right? And I … I don’t!
So yeah! I’m back, I’m excited, and I’m even more excited that it’s Christmas, and Christmas, it’s about giving, it’s about friends, right? And I’ve got a really dear friend who always wanted to be on this show, and I thought it would be really nice if we made his Christmas wish come true. Some come on out buddy. Come on out.
(Cookie monster appears next to Jeff)
Cookie Monster: Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum! Hey! Hi!
Jeff Bridges: It’s the cookie monster!
Cookie Monster: Hey, What’s up, “The Dude”!
Jeff Bridges: Come on! I’m not “The Dude”!
Cookie Monster: Me joking! Me joking!
Jeff Bridges: Nah, he’s always bustin’ my chops. Hey, Cookie! You want to do a tune?
Cookie Monster: Oh, me would love that!
(Jeff Bridges gets a guitar, Cookie Monster gets his harmonica, they start playing “Silver Bells”, and sing at the same time)
Jeff Bridges: City Sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style.
Cookie Monster: (Spoken) yeah.
Jeff Bridges: (sung) in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas.
Cookie Monster: (spoken) very nice.
Jeff Bridges: (sung) Children laughing,
Cookie Monster: (sung) People passing,
Both: Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner, you hear:
Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: Silver Bells
Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: Silver Bells
Both: It’s Christmas time in the city
Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling
Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ling
Jeff Bridges: Hear them ring
Cookie Monster: Hear them ring
Both: Soon it will be Christmas day!
(music continues playing)
Jeff Bridges: (Spoken) So Cook,
Cookie Monster: (Spoken) Yeah?
Jeff Bridges: What do you want for Christmas, man?
Cookie Monster: An iPad!
Jeff Bridges: Really!?
Cookie Monster: No me kidding! A COOKIE!
Jeff Bridges: (sung) Streets of streetlights, even stoplights, blink bright red and green
Both: (sung) As the shoppers run home with their treasure
Jeff Bridges: Hear the snowcones
Cookie Monster: See the kids’ bunch
Both: This is Santa’s big scene
And above all the bustle you’ll hear:
Cookie Monster: (spoken) What?
Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!
Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: BONGBONGBONGBONGBONG!
Both: (sung) It’s Christmas time in the city
Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling
Cookie Monster: A-Ring-A-Ring-A-r=Ring-A-Ring-A-Ring!
Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Hear them ring
Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ding-ding!
Both: (with Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas day!
Jeff Bridges:(without Chorus) Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: Silver Bells
Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Silver Bells
Cookie Monster: Silver Bells
Both: (Without Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas Day!
(end of song)
Jeff Bridges: (spoken) Hey Cookie!
Cookie Monster: (spoken) what?
Jeff Bridges: I got a present for you man.
Cookie Monster: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy a present! Oh boy oh boy oh…
Jeff Bridges: (he presents one half of a chocolate chip cookie taken out of his back pocket, Cookie monster gasps as he sees it) What do you think huh? Not only half, but a whole cookie!
(He gives both pieces to Cookie Monster)
Cookie Monster: Twice as good! Cookie! (He eats the cookie. Jeff Laughs.)
Jeff Bridges: We got a great show for you tonight! Eminem and Lil’ Wayne are here!
Cookie Monster: Me love Eminem!
Jeff Bridges: Oh well! You’re in luck! Stick around, we’ll be right back!
Submitted by: Raffi
