SNL Transcripts: Jeff Bridges: 12/18/10: Jeff Bridges’ Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 10






10j: Jeff Bridges / Eminem & Lil Wayne

Jeff Bridges’ Monologue

…..Jeff Bridges
Cookie Monster…..David Rudman

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Jeff Bridges!

Jeff Bridges: It’s great to be here! You know, the last time I hosted this show was in 1983. Can you believe that? I guess I did a pretty good job, considering how fast they had me back!

Mostly I’ve been making movies for the last 27 years. And I’ve been bless to play a lot of amazing roles in some great films. But, of all those roles, the one I get recognized for the most is “The Dude”. But I got to say, it’s king of a bummer man ’cause, you know, that not me, right? Because “The Dude”, he’s a character, right? And I’m… I’m Jeff Bridges. A real person! Yeah? For instance, “The Dude”, he has uh… he has trouble expressing himself, right? And I … I don’t!

So yeah! I’m back, I’m excited, and I’m even more excited that it’s Christmas, and Christmas, it’s about giving, it’s about friends, right? And I’ve got a really dear friend who always wanted to be on this show, and I thought it would be really nice if we made his Christmas wish come true. Some come on out buddy. Come on out.

(Cookie monster appears next to Jeff)

Cookie Monster: Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum! Hey! Hi!

Jeff Bridges: It’s the cookie monster!

Cookie Monster: Hey, What’s up, “The Dude”!

Jeff Bridges: Come on! I’m not “The Dude”!

Cookie Monster: Me joking! Me joking!

Jeff Bridges: Nah, he’s always bustin’ my chops. Hey, Cookie! You want to do a tune?

Cookie Monster: Oh, me would love that!

(Jeff Bridges gets a guitar, Cookie Monster gets his harmonica, they start playing “Silver Bells”, and sing at the same time)

Jeff Bridges: City Sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style.

Cookie Monster: (Spoken) yeah.

Jeff Bridges: (sung) in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas.

Cookie Monster: (spoken) very nice.

Jeff Bridges: (sung) Children laughing,

Cookie Monster: (sung) People passing,

Both: Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner, you hear:

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Both: It’s Christmas time in the city

Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling

Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ling

Jeff Bridges: Hear them ring

Cookie Monster: Hear them ring

Both: Soon it will be Christmas day!

(music continues playing)

Jeff Bridges: (Spoken) So Cook,

Cookie Monster: (Spoken) Yeah?

Jeff Bridges: What do you want for Christmas, man?

Cookie Monster: An iPad!

Jeff Bridges: Really!?

Cookie Monster: No me kidding! A COOKIE!

Jeff Bridges: (sung) Streets of streetlights, even stoplights, blink bright red and green

Both: (sung) As the shoppers run home with their treasure

Jeff Bridges: Hear the snowcones

Cookie Monster: See the kids’ bunch

Both: This is Santa’s big scene
And above all the bustle you’ll hear:

Cookie Monster: (spoken) What?

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: BONGBONGBONGBONGBONG!

Both: (sung) It’s Christmas time in the city

Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling

Cookie Monster: A-Ring-A-Ring-A-r=Ring-A-Ring-A-Ring!

Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Hear them ring

Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ding-ding!

Both: (with Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas day!

Jeff Bridges:(without Chorus) Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Both: (Without Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas Day!

(end of song)

Jeff Bridges: (spoken) Hey Cookie!

Cookie Monster: (spoken) what?

Jeff Bridges: I got a present for you man.

Cookie Monster: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy a present! Oh boy oh boy oh…

Jeff Bridges: (he presents one half of a chocolate chip cookie taken out of his back pocket, Cookie monster gasps as he sees it) What do you think huh? Not only half, but a whole cookie!

(He gives both pieces to Cookie Monster)

Cookie Monster: Twice as good! Cookie! (He eats the cookie. Jeff Laughs.)

Jeff Bridges: We got a great show for you tonight! Eminem and Lil’ Wayne are here!

Cookie Monster: Me love Eminem!

Jeff Bridges: Oh well! You’re in luck! Stick around, we’ll be right back!

Submitted by: Raffi

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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