SNL Transcripts: Jim Carrey: 01/08/11



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 11


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


January 8th, 2011

Jim Carrey

The Black Keys

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A Message from the Mayor of New York CitySummary: New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg (Fred Armisen) addresses contingency plan for the recent once-in-a-lifetime snowstorm that hit the city.

Transcript

Montage

Jim Carrey’s MonologueSummary: Jim Carrey is thrilled to start the final year before the 2012 apocalypse, then tries to talk an audience member into marrying him before it’s too late.

Transcript

Bosley Hair RestorationSummary: Spokesperson (Jason Sudeikis) explains the hair loss restoration system that uses pubic hair as a baldness solution.

Note: Repeat from 10a.

Black SwanSummary: Nina (Nasim Pedrad) wants to play the lead in “The Black SWan”, but the director (Bill Hader) reveals that she has stiff competition from Lily (Jim Carrey).

Transcript

Finding Your PowerSummary: Although a panel of guests (Andy Samberg, Vanessa Bayer, Jim Carrey) swear to having taken an assertive stand against their enemies, hidden camera footage proves otherwise.

Transcript

Grady Wilson’s Tantric ‘n TastySummary: Grady Wilson (Kenan Thompson) demonstrates sex techniques from around the world with the aid of randy Lee Licious (Jim Carrey).

Recurring Characters: Grady Wilson.

Transcript

The Worst of Soul TrainSummary: A highlight compendium of some of the worst acts to perform on “Soul Train”.

Transcript

The Black Keys perform “Howlin’ For You”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Nancy Pelosi (Kristen Wiig) passes the gavel to new House Speaker John Boehner (Bill Hader) and enjoys conjuring up patriotic images to make him cry. Anthony Crispino (Bobby Moynihan) delivers more erronous secondhand news. Following a report of dead birds falling from the sky, Cameron the Red-Winged Blackbird (Andy Samberg) warns of the Aflockalypse, as Everett the Fish (Taran Killam) warns of the Apocafish.

Recurring Characters: Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner.

Merryville Trolley RideSummary: When the trolley ride breaks down on its track, amusement park visitor (Kenan Thompson) is freaked out by the animatronic robots (Jim Carrey, Taran Killam) who seem to be stealthily stalking him.

Transcript

PsychicSummary: Now working as a psychic, former 80’s comic impressionist (Jim Carrey) can only conjure up the “spirits” of celebrities whose impressions he is able to perform.

Transcript

The Black Keys perform “Tighten Up”

A Taste of New YorkSummary: Junkie-strewn Marriott Hotel house band (Fred Armisen, Jim Carrey, Kristen Wiig) ignores requests to perform upbeat songs about New York.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

ExtenzeSummary: Jimmy Johnson (Bobby Moynihan) plugs the penis enhancement pill that doesn’t work for him.

Playboy MansionSummary: Playboy bunny (Abby Elliott) sings “Then He Kissed Me” after receiving marriage proposal from Hugh Hefner (Jim Carrey).

Game Time with Randy and GregSummary: Randy Dukes (Kenan Thompson) insists that co-host Greg (Bill Hader) is not an alien, even as he ,ates with another alien (Jim Carrey).

Recurring Characters: Randy Dukes, Greg, Brett Favre.Jimmy Johnson (Bobby Moynihan) plugs the penis enhancement pill that doesn’t work for him.

Sky DiversSummary: Sky diving instructor (Jim Carrey) tries to steal fellow jumper’s (Bill Hader) girlfriend (Nasim Pedrad) in mid-air.

Retirement PartySummary: Madness ensues when speeches are made at a business executive’s (Fred Armisen) retirement party.

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