Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 11
The Worst of Soul Train
Coughy Robinson…..Bobby Moynihan
Shooting Starr…..Jay Pharoah
Gary St. Marvelous…..Andy Samberg
Maxwell family member…..Kenan Thompson
Triangle Sally…..Kristen Wiig
Bro-Botix member…..Taran Killam
Bro-Botix member…..Paul Brittain
Ocean Billy…..Jason Sudeikis
Announcer 1: The following is a paid advertisement for Time Lifes DVD collection.
Announcer 2: It was the must see, and most important, urban music show ever! It was the hippest group in America. It was the Soul Train!
Coughy Robinson: Hello! Welcome back to our celebration of Soul Train! Im Smokey Robisons white, half-brother, Coughy Robinson. For those of you loved our 8-disc collection, The Best of Soul Train, but werent satisfied with only 120 hours of footage, we are now proud to present The Worst of Soul Train! Featuring all the acts from the 70s and 80s that you tried to forget. Like Shooting Starr, with their song Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Shooting Starr: (sing) I got pain in my joints! Saying ow, ow, ow! I got swelling in my knees saying ow, ow, ow! My arthritis is acting up! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owwww!
Coughy Robinson: (speak) Or how about Disco Blip, Gary St. Marvelous with I Saw You.
Gary St. Marvelous: (sing) And I turned around, there on the ground. I saw you. I just saw my best friend die on the dance floor!
Coughy Robinson: (speak) And dont forget all twenty-six member of the Maxwell family performing there hit Only One Bathroom.
Maxwell family member: (sing) Theres only one bathroom, and theres twenty-six of us! I only get to shower, every other month! Why did my parents keep on having kids? Out house is stinky.
Coughy Robinson: (speak) And maybe youll remember Triangle Sally with her only recorded song I Have a Triangle.
Sally: (She does silly dance moves. She hits the triangle twice.)
Coughy Robinson: Triangle Sally Triangle Sally died halfway through that song. And we did not edit it out. And there are many more non-legends from the 70s and 80s like Daddy Big Hat & Cheryl, Klamydia, Del Newbornz, and Gary Arbramowitz. Plus there are interviews with some of the original Soul Train dancers.
Ricky: What?! Yeah hi!! Ok! Yeah! Hi! Oh! Ok! What?!
Coughy Robinson: And of course there are even worse bands. Like this space-age mess called Bro-Botix.
Bro-Botix member 1: (sing) Does a robot drink champagne?
Bro-Botix member 2: Yes a robot drinks champagne!
Coughy Robinson: (speak) That was the entire song. And if you liked Billy Ocean you will dislike Ocean Billy. With Get Out of My Car and in to My Trunk.
Ocean Billy: (sing) Get out of my car! Get in to my trunk! (shout) I said get in the trunk!
Coughy Robinson: (speak) That guy was a real tick n time bomb. And of course there was the man himself, DVersity, with a magical little number called I Just Need One.
DVersity: (sing) Girl, weve been together, such a long, long time! And when youre near me, my heart does shine. So Ive got to ask before we stop, its a question straight from my heart, can I see one titty? Oh!!! Girl!! Just give me one titty!!!! Oooo!! (speak) I just wanna see one of your tittys girl.
Coughy Robinson: So why wait? Order The Very Worst of Soul Train today! Or theyll kill me!!!
Submitted by: Connor Cronholm