SNL Transcripts: Jesse Eisenberg: 01/29/11

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 13


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:


January 29th, 2011

Jesse Eisenberg

Nicki Minaj

None

Lorne Michaels

Mark Zuckerberg

None

CNN Special EventSummary: Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (Kristen Wiig) makes a half-hearted second attempt to respond to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address.

Montage

Jesse Eisenberg’s MonologueSummary: Jesse Eisenberg and Andy Samberg swap tips on how to perform an impression of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg until the real Mark Zuckerberg comes along.

Recurring Characters: Mark Zuckerberg.

Transcript

Once Daily Estro-MaxxSummary: The once-a-day estrogen pill that gives all the sex-changing hormones transgendered men need to become the women they want to be.

Mr. Wizard’s WorldSummary: Mr. Wizard’s (Bill Hader) experiment with balloons and static electricity turns into self-imposed eroticism for two teenagers (Nasim Pedrad, Jesse Eisenberg) discovering their bodies for the first time.

Transcript

Don’t Forget the LyricsSummary: Overexcited contestant (Jesse Eisenberg) frustrates Mark McGrath (Jason Sudeikis) by blurting out inappropriate lyrics.

Transcript

WXPD News New YorkSummary: Elderly reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) teeters through a live remote at a college campus.

Recurring Characters: Anchor, Herb Welch.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: “The Creep”

Nicki Minaj performs “I Ain’t Thru”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak (Fred Armisen) comments on his country’s problems. Wealthy Tyler Perry (Kenan Thompson) plans to score an Academy Award nomination by putting Madea in a “Social Network” knock-off.

Recurring Characters: Tyler Perry.

TCM: The EssentialsSummary: Robert Osborne (Jason Sudeikis) introduces the 1970’s blaxploitation classic “The Bride of Blackenstein”, which features a sassy bride (Nicki Minaj) for Dr. Blackenstein’s (Jay Pharoah) cuckolded monster (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: Robert Osborne.

Transcript

SkinsSummary: To keep advertisers onboard with the controversial teen drama, promiscuous teenagers endorse heavy-handed product placement during an ultra-sexy party.

Transcript

Spa TalkSummary: Tyla Yonders (Kristen Wiig) counsels troubled folks while giving them relaxing spa treatments.

Nicki Minaj performs “Moment 4 Life”

El ShrinkoSummary: Arthur (Andy Samberg) and Randy (Jesse Eisenberg) promote the pill that helped shrink their large penises to a manageable size that the ladies prefer.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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