SNL Transcripts: Jesse Eisenberg: 01/29/11



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 13


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:


January 29th, 2011

Jesse Eisenberg

Nicki Minaj

None

Lorne Michaels

Mark Zuckerberg

None

CNN Special EventSummary: Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (Kristen Wiig) makes a half-hearted second attempt to respond to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address.

Montage

Jesse Eisenberg’s MonologueSummary: Jesse Eisenberg and Andy Samberg swap tips on how to perform an impression of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg until the real Mark Zuckerberg comes along.

Recurring Characters: Mark Zuckerberg.

Transcript

Once Daily Estro-MaxxSummary: The once-a-day estrogen pill that gives all the sex-changing hormones transgendered men need to become the women they want to be.

Mr. Wizard’s WorldSummary: Mr. Wizard’s (Bill Hader) experiment with balloons and static electricity turns into self-imposed eroticism for two teenagers (Nasim Pedrad, Jesse Eisenberg) discovering their bodies for the first time.

Transcript

Don’t Forget the LyricsSummary: Overexcited contestant (Jesse Eisenberg) frustrates Mark McGrath (Jason Sudeikis) by blurting out inappropriate lyrics.

Transcript

WXPD News New YorkSummary: Elderly reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) teeters through a live remote at a college campus.

Recurring Characters: Anchor, Herb Welch.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: “The Creep”

Nicki Minaj performs “I Ain’t Thru”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak (Fred Armisen) comments on his country’s problems. Wealthy Tyler Perry (Kenan Thompson) plans to score an Academy Award nomination by putting Madea in a “Social Network” knock-off.

Recurring Characters: Tyler Perry.

TCM: The EssentialsSummary: Robert Osborne (Jason Sudeikis) introduces the 1970’s blaxploitation classic “The Bride of Blackenstein”, which features a sassy bride (Nicki Minaj) for Dr. Blackenstein’s (Jay Pharoah) cuckolded monster (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: Robert Osborne.

Transcript

SkinsSummary: To keep advertisers onboard with the controversial teen drama, promiscuous teenagers endorse heavy-handed product placement during an ultra-sexy party.

Transcript

Spa TalkSummary: Tyla Yonders (Kristen Wiig) counsels troubled folks while giving them relaxing spa treatments.

Nicki Minaj performs “Moment 4 Life”

El ShrinkoSummary: Arthur (Andy Samberg) and Randy (Jesse Eisenberg) promote the pill that helped shrink their large penises to a manageable size that the ladies prefer.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

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