SNL Transcripts: Jesse Eisenberg: 01/29/11: Don’t Forget the Lyrics


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 13

10m: Jesse Eisenberg / Nicki Minaj

Don’t Forget the Lyrics

Mark McGrath…..Jason Sudeikis
Kenny Lushing…..Jesse Eisenberg

[ open on show title, as Mark McGrath runs on stage]

Mark McGrath: Okay! Okay! Alright, guys, welcome to “Don’t Forget the Lyrics”! I’m your host, Mark McGrath, and yeah — I do THIS now! [ the audience screams ] I don’t know why! Okay, as always, our audience has been force-fed Mountain Dew and diet pills since FIVE this morning, and they’re ready to rock-and-roll! [ the audience screams ] Alright, let’s bring on today’s contestant! Everyone, please give a warm welcome to Kenny Lushing from Providence, Rhode Island!

[ Kenny rushes out ]

Kenny Lushing: Whoo! YES! I have SEEN this show!

Mark McGrath: Alright! So tell us a little about yourself, Kenny!

Kenny Lushing: Well, Mark, I am 22 years old, I’m a part-time student, and I was JUST fired from Domino’s for reasons of hygeine! WHOO!!

Mark McGrath: Alright! That’s great! That’s great. Well, you know the rules, man: We supply the music, you supply the words. Alright? But when the music cuts out, make sure you DON’T forget the lyrics!

Kenny Lushing: Ooh, that is the PURPOSE of this show! YEAH! I am feeling the WRATH of MCGRATH!!

Mark McGrath: [ stunned by Kenny’s enthusiasm ] Okay. Alright. Our first category is ROCK! And your song choices are: [ as board appears ] “Love in an Elevator” by Aerosmith, and “I Love Rock ‘N Roll” by Joan Jett.

Kenny Lushing: Mark, I’m gonna go with “I Love Rock ‘N Roll”, ’cause I love rocks… and I love rolls!” [ he high-fives audience members ] She knows! She knows over there!

Mark McGrath: Alright, Kenny — “I Love Rock ‘N Roll”, by Joan Jett. And we are looking for ten missing lyrics. Alright, HIT IT!

[ the music begins to play ]

Mark McGrath: Alright! Crank her up!

[ Mark steps aside and begins to dance in the background ]

Kenny Lushing: [ singing with lyrics ]“I love rock ‘n roll
So put another dime
in the jukebox, baby!
I love rock ‘n roll –“

[ over blank lyrics ]

“So come and kiss a lime you dance machine!”


[ the music stops ]

Mark McGrath: [ stunned ] Wow. Wow, okay. “Come and kiss a lime you dance machine”? Oh. You wanna lock those lyrics in?

Kenny Lushing: Yeah! Let’s lock ’em in!

[ buzz ]

Kenny Lushing: Oh.

Mark McGrath: Yeah. I’m sorry. No, Kenny, the, uh, correct lyrics were: “So come and take the time and dance with me.”

Kenny Lushing: Yeah, yeah… sorry, right. Yeah. You know, I guess I’m just a little nervous!

Mark McGrath: Yeah, it’s understandable, man! This is VH-1, it’s two in the afternoon — it’s all happening!! Hey, but don’t worry because we’re moving onto the next song. You ready, Kenny?

Kenny Lushing: Uh — yeah! Are you ready, Mr. Mark!

Mark McGrath: Hey! I’m under contract! Gotta be ready. Alright, so let’s rock. Our next category is POP. [ reveal board ] Alright, your choices are: “Doctor Doctor” by Robert Palmer, or “Fly” by MY old group Sugar Ray.

Kenny Lushing: Huh. I — I really don’t remember the song “Fly” by Sugar Ray —

Mark McGrath: [ irked ] Oh, really?

Kenny Lushing: Yeah.

Mark McGrath: Oh, THAT’S funny! Yeah, because you know who did remember the song? Uh, the marketing team for Cajun Pringles in 1997. Yeah, they seemed to think it represented the generation, so…

Kenny Lushing: [ he shrugs ] Uhhh — okay! I’m just gonna go with “Doctor Doctor”!

Mark McGrath: The doctor is in — HIT IT!

[ the music begins to play ]

Kenny Lushing: This one’s for all the doctors — male and female!

[ Mark steps aside and begins to dance in the background ]

Kenny Lushing: [ singing with lyrics ]“I need you
To soothe my head
And turn my blue
heart to red.
Doctor, doctor give me the news
I got –“

[ over blank lyrics ]

“One extra testicle!”

Mark McGrath: I’m sorry! Oh, my God, I’m sorry!

[ buzz ]

Kenny Lushing: Oh, no!

Mark McGrath: Yeah… yeah, no, I’m sorry, Kenny. The lyrics were, uh, “Bad case of loving you.”

Kenny Lushing: I’m sorry!

Mark McGrath: Not, uh — “One extra testicle.” Hey, where did that come from?

Kenny Lushing: I don’t know — from birth.

Mark McGrath: Oh! Oh, sorry.

Kenny Lushing: Yeah. Sorry, um — I think when I get nervous, I just kind of blurt out whatever’s on my mind! It probably happens, like, all the time — right, Bro Man? [ he taps Mark’s shoulder ]

Mark McGrath: No. No, not to me.

Kenny Lushing: Oh.

Mark McGrath: Okay, I’m just gonna go ahead and pick the next song for you. It’s an easy one. This is “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang! You pumped?!

Kenny Lushing: I think so! I think so! Guess I’m ready to celebrate! Yeah, these guys know —

[ Kenny makes to high-five the audience, but Mark stops him ]

Mark McGrath: No! Don’t make — don’t — no, no, no, no! Alright, here we go!

[ the music begins to play ] [ Mark stands still ]

Kenny Lushing: [ singing with lyrics ]“Celebrate –“

[ over blank lyrics ]

“Saddam Hussein!”

No, I’m sorry! That’s not what I believe! I don’t believe that! Can I just please go home?!

Mark McGrath: No — if I can’t, you can’t. Judges?

[ buzz ]

Mark McGrath: Yeah. Big surprise.

Kenny Lushing: Actually, no — I was thinking of a different song!

Mark McGrath: Really? What song?

Kenny Lushing: N-no song, there’s no song —

Mark McGrath: Yeah, I didn’t think there is a song. Okay, we’re gonna move on to the final round. The song is “It’s Not Unusual”, by Tom Jones. Alright? You only need to give us THREE missing lyrics, and I’m gonna tell you right now: They are the TITLE of the song!

Kenny Lushing: Oh. Okay. Yeah, I know it! I think I can do this, Marky Mark!

Mark McGrath: Different guy.

Kenny Lushing: Coolio. Okay. Hey — also, I noticed you stopped dancing during my last song. Are you gonna dance, like, this time?

Mark McGrath: I doubt it, Kenny! No, I really do. [ touches his ear ] Wait, hold on. [ he listens carefully ] Oh. I’m not allowed to stop dancing? Okay. Wait, I’m what? What are you saying? Oh, replaceable. Okay! alright, you got it! Okay! [ to Kenny ] Sorry about that! HIT IT!

[ the music begins to play ]

Kenny Lushing: Okay.

[ Mark dances just a bit in the background ]

Kenny Lushing: [ singing with lyrics ]“It’s not unusual –“

[ over blank lyrics ]

“To get a boner at the movies.”

Mark McGrath: Okay — stop!

Kenny Lushing: [ singing with lyrics ]“It’s not unusual –“

[ over blank lyrics ]

“If it was “Toy Story 3″.”

That’s not right, is it?

Mark McGrath: No. No, that’s wrong on a number of levels. But, hey — come back any time, Kenny!

Kenny Lushing: Okay…

Mark McGrath: Come back any time you want, okay? That’s the show! Another day done for Mark McGrath — I make notches in my wall like I’m in a prison! This is VH-1! Good afternoon!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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