Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 14
10n: Dana Carvey / Linkin Park
Wayne’s World
Wayne Campbell…..Mike Myers
Gath Algar…..Dana Carvey
[ open on Cable 10 card ]
Announcer: You’re watching Cable 10, Aurora, Illinois cable access channel.
[ dissolve to “Wayne’s World” basement set ]
Wayne & Garth:
“Wayne’s World!
Wayne’s World!
Party Time!
Excellent!”
Wayne Campbell: PARRRRRRRRRTYYYYYYY!!! Alright!
Garth Algar: Yeah!
Wayne Campbell: Party hearty! It’s Friday, it’s 10:30, it’s time to party! I’m your excellent host, Wayne Campbell. With me, as always, is Garth.
Garth Algar: Party on, Wayne!
Wayne Campbell: Party on, Garth! Okay! So, Garth — what’s been going on?
Garth Algar: Well, as you may remember the last time you saw me, I got pubes!
Wayne Campbell: Good! Yeah! Good work, my friend!
Garth Algar: What’s been going on with you, Wayne?
Wayne Campbell: Well, last month, strangely enough, a monkey literally flew out of my butt!
Garth Algar: No way!
Wayne Campbell: Waaaay!
Garth Algar: No waaaay!
Wayne Campbell: WAY!!
Garth Algar: Alright!
Wayne Campbell: Okay! That was fun!
Garth Algar: Good!
Wayne Campbell: Alright!
Garth Algar: Love that way!
Wayne Campbell: It was good! Okay! It’s Oscar time, so now we bring you… our Oscar picks.
Together:
“It’s Wayne’s World!
Oscar Picks!
Party Time!
Excellent!”
Wayne Campbell: Alright!
Garth Algar: Alright!
Wayne Campbell: What a year in film it’s been.
Garth Algar: Really.
Wayne Campbell: Yeah. A veritible feast for the cinephile amongst us.
Garth Algar: Yes! And, best of all, this year there was a movie called… [ he holds up film poster ] “Winter’s Bone”!
[ Wayne and Garth laugh amongst themselves ]
Wayne Campbell: Seriously, people! We didn’t make it up! The film is called “Winter’s Bone”! Garth — Garth — have you seen it?
Garth Algar: Uh — no. My mom wouldn’t let me.
Wayne Campbell: Your mom? How old are you?
Garth Algar: [ in close-up ] It was never determined.
Wayne Campbell: Okay! Let’s go to our picks for Best Actor.
Garth Algar: I liked [ pronounced with the “J” ] Javiar Bardam.
Wayne Campbell: Actually, Garth — it’s pronounced Havier Bardam.
Garth Algar: Oh. Well, excuse me. I feel like a total… herk-off!
Wayne Campbell: Alright! Let’s go to Best Actress. Natalie Portman is SO hot… in “Black Swan”.
Garth Algar: Yeah. She’s so hot, I could make a Mila out of her Kunis!
Wayne Campbell: [ stunned ] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Garth Algar: I don’t kiss my mom on the mouth!
Wayne Campbell: Really? Everyone else does!
Garth Algar: Hey! That’s my mom you’re talking about!
Wayne Campbell: I owned you! I’m sorry about that!
Garth Algar: Come on, it’s my mom! I only have one!
Wayne Campbell: I know! Okay, our Oscar pick for Best Actress goes to Jennifer Lawrence… from “Winter’s Bone”. And, why?
[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]
Together: “Winter’s Bone”!
Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been rated. Okay!
Garth Algar: Alright!
Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Supporting Actor. And the Oscar pick goes to… John Hocks.
Garth Algar: Oh, really? What movie is he in?
[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]
Together: “Winter’s Bone”!
Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been seen.
Garth Algar: Okay!
Wayne Campbell: Let’s talk about the Oscar hosts, okay? The Oscar host. James Franco… and Anne Hathaway.
Garth Algar: Yeah! Anne hath a way… of giving me a bone!
[ they snicker at the joke, then lean in for close-up with SUPER ]
Together: “Winter’s Bone”!
Wayne Campbell: This joke has been done three times. Okay!
Garth Algar: Alright!
Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Picture. There’s ten nominees. You know? So it’s a tough one this year.
Garth Algar: Let’s start with… “The Fighter”.
Wayne Campbell: I loved Marky Mark in this, especially with his shirt off. I thought he was super sexy.
Garth Algar: [ stunned ] What?!
Wayne Campbell: Sorry. That was an “inside thought.” Okay. Alright!
Garth Algar: Alright! Okay!
Wayne Campbell: Moving on! “The King’s Speech”. This is the film where Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter are a [ stuttering ] c-c-c-c-couple… and in the end they get together and they f-f-f-f-forgive each other!
Garth Algar: Yeah! In the BUTT!
[ they snicker at the joke ]
Wayne Campbell: That was well deconstructed! Well deconstructed!
Garth Algar: Yeah!
Wayne Campbell: Okay! “Toy Story 3”.
Garth Algar: I can’t believe a teenage boy doesn’t want to play with his Woody any more!
Wayne Campbell: Yeah. Not believable. Not believable. No. not really.
Garth Algar: Next: “127 Hours”.
Wayne Campbell: Well, that was some good, armless fun. Armless fun!
Garth Algar: Yeah! ‘Cause her arm, remember?
Wayne Campbell: Yeah!
Garth Algar: Alright, okay! “True Grit”. That’s where Jeff Bridges has an eyepatch.
Wayne Campbell: You know, I may be damning this with faint praise, but I think it was my favorite cycloptic performance of the year.
Garth Algar: Uh, techincally, just because he has an eyepatch… doesn’t mean he’s a cyclops.
Wayne Campbell: Oh. Well, thank you, Garth. Yeah, annerdsezwhat?
Garth Algar: What?
Wayne Campbell: A nerd… says what?
Garth Algar: What?
Wayne Campbell: Alango! [ he laughs ] Okay! Alright, next! “The Kids Are Alright”.
Garth Algar: A lot of steamy action in THAT movie! Annette Bening on Julianne Moore, Julianne Moore on Mark Ruffalo…
Wayne Campbell: Wait — she wasn’t on Colin Firth?
Garth Algar: No.
Wayne Campbell: Then, who’s on Firth?
Garth Algar: Naomi Watts.
Wayne Campbell: Watts on Firth?
Garth Algar: No.
Wayne Campbell: Then, who’s on Firth?
Garth Algar: That’s what I’m trying to tell you!
Together: And… scene!
Wayne Campbell: Okay!
Garth Algar: Okay!
Wayne Campbell: Alright!
Garth Algar: Alright!
Wayne Campbell: And our Oscar pick for Best Movie goes to… “The Social Network”.
Garth Algar: NOT!!
Wayne Campbell: Yeah.
Garth Algar: The Oscar pick goes to…
Together: “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!”