SNL Transcripts: Dana Carvey: 02/05/11: Wayne’s World



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 14








10n: Dana Carvey / Linkin Park

Wayne’s World

Wayne Campbell…..Mike Myers
Gath Algar…..Dana Carvey

[ open on Cable 10 card ]

Announcer: You’re watching Cable 10, Aurora, Illinois cable access channel.

[ dissolve to “Wayne’s World” basement set ]

Wayne & Garth:
“Wayne’s World!
Wayne’s World!
Party Time!
Excellent!”

Wayne Campbell: PARRRRRRRRRTYYYYYYY!!! Alright!

Garth Algar: Yeah!

Wayne Campbell: Party hearty! It’s Friday, it’s 10:30, it’s time to party! I’m your excellent host, Wayne Campbell. With me, as always, is Garth.

Garth Algar: Party on, Wayne!

Wayne Campbell: Party on, Garth! Okay! So, Garth — what’s been going on?

Garth Algar: Well, as you may remember the last time you saw me, I got pubes!

Wayne Campbell: Good! Yeah! Good work, my friend!

Garth Algar: What’s been going on with you, Wayne?

Wayne Campbell: Well, last month, strangely enough, a monkey literally flew out of my butt!

Garth Algar: No way!

Wayne Campbell: Waaaay!

Garth Algar: No waaaay!

Wayne Campbell: WAY!!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Okay! That was fun!

Garth Algar: Good!

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Love that way!

Wayne Campbell: It was good! Okay! It’s Oscar time, so now we bring you… our Oscar picks.

Together:
“It’s Wayne’s World!
Oscar Picks!
Party Time!
Excellent!”

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: What a year in film it’s been.

Garth Algar: Really.

Wayne Campbell: Yeah. A veritible feast for the cinephile amongst us.

Garth Algar: Yes! And, best of all, this year there was a movie called… [ he holds up film poster ] “Winter’s Bone”!

[ Wayne and Garth laugh amongst themselves ]

Wayne Campbell: Seriously, people! We didn’t make it up! The film is called “Winter’s Bone”! Garth — Garth — have you seen it?

Garth Algar: Uh — no. My mom wouldn’t let me.

Wayne Campbell: Your mom? How old are you?

Garth Algar: [ in close-up ] It was never determined.

Wayne Campbell: Okay! Let’s go to our picks for Best Actor.

Garth Algar: I liked [ pronounced with the “J” ] Javiar Bardam.

Wayne Campbell: Actually, Garth — it’s pronounced Havier Bardam.

Garth Algar: Oh. Well, excuse me. I feel like a total… herk-off!

Wayne Campbell: Alright! Let’s go to Best Actress. Natalie Portman is SO hot… in “Black Swan”.

Garth Algar: Yeah. She’s so hot, I could make a Mila out of her Kunis!

Wayne Campbell: [ stunned ] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Garth Algar: I don’t kiss my mom on the mouth!

Wayne Campbell: Really? Everyone else does!

Garth Algar: Hey! That’s my mom you’re talking about!

Wayne Campbell: I owned you! I’m sorry about that!

Garth Algar: Come on, it’s my mom! I only have one!

Wayne Campbell: I know! Okay, our Oscar pick for Best Actress goes to Jennifer Lawrence… from “Winter’s Bone”. And, why?

[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: “Winter’s Bone”!

Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been rated. Okay!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Supporting Actor. And the Oscar pick goes to… John Hocks.

Garth Algar: Oh, really? What movie is he in?

[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: “Winter’s Bone”!

Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been seen.

Garth Algar: Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Let’s talk about the Oscar hosts, okay? The Oscar host. James Franco… and Anne Hathaway.

Garth Algar: Yeah! Anne hath a way… of giving me a bone!

[ they snicker at the joke, then lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: “Winter’s Bone”!

Wayne Campbell: This joke has been done three times. Okay!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Picture. There’s ten nominees. You know? So it’s a tough one this year.

Garth Algar: Let’s start with… “The Fighter”.

Wayne Campbell: I loved Marky Mark in this, especially with his shirt off. I thought he was super sexy.

Garth Algar: [ stunned ] What?!

Wayne Campbell: Sorry. That was an “inside thought.” Okay. Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright! Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Moving on! “The King’s Speech”. This is the film where Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter are a [ stuttering ] c-c-c-c-couple… and in the end they get together and they f-f-f-f-forgive each other!

Garth Algar: Yeah! In the BUTT!

[ they snicker at the joke ]

Wayne Campbell: That was well deconstructed! Well deconstructed!

Garth Algar: Yeah!

Wayne Campbell: Okay! “Toy Story 3”.

Garth Algar: I can’t believe a teenage boy doesn’t want to play with his Woody any more!

Wayne Campbell: Yeah. Not believable. Not believable. No. not really.

Garth Algar: Next: “127 Hours”.

Wayne Campbell: Well, that was some good, armless fun. Armless fun!

Garth Algar: Yeah! ‘Cause her arm, remember?

Wayne Campbell: Yeah!

Garth Algar: Alright, okay! “True Grit”. That’s where Jeff Bridges has an eyepatch.

Wayne Campbell: You know, I may be damning this with faint praise, but I think it was my favorite cycloptic performance of the year.

Garth Algar: Uh, techincally, just because he has an eyepatch… doesn’t mean he’s a cyclops.

Wayne Campbell: Oh. Well, thank you, Garth. Yeah, annerdsezwhat?

Garth Algar: What?

Wayne Campbell: A nerd… says what?

Garth Algar: What?

Wayne Campbell: Alango! [ he laughs ] Okay! Alright, next! “The Kids Are Alright”.

Garth Algar: A lot of steamy action in THAT movie! Annette Bening on Julianne Moore, Julianne Moore on Mark Ruffalo…

Wayne Campbell: Wait — she wasn’t on Colin Firth?

Garth Algar: No.

Wayne Campbell: Then, who’s on Firth?

Garth Algar: Naomi Watts.

Wayne Campbell: Watts on Firth?

Garth Algar: No.

Wayne Campbell: Then, who’s on Firth?

Garth Algar: That’s what I’m trying to tell you!

Together: And… scene!

Wayne Campbell: Okay!

Garth Algar: Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: And our Oscar pick for Best Movie goes to… “The Social Network”.

Garth Algar: NOT!!

Wayne Campbell: Yeah.

Garth Algar: The Oscar pick goes to…

Together: “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!”

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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