SNL Transcripts: Russell Brand: 02/12/11: Livin’ Single



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 15














10o: Russell Brand / Chris Brown

Livin’ Single

DJ Terry…..Taran Killam
Dina D’Angelo…..Vanessa Bayer
Woman #1…..Abby Elliott
Woman #2…..Kristen Wiig
Damian Cryer…..Russell Brand

[ open on Oxygen Network logo ]

Announcer: Welcome to “Livin’ Single”!

[ dissolve to bouncy opening montage ]

Announcer: She’s a best-selling author, and she did it all WITHOUT a man!

[ dissolve to DJ Terry ]

DJ Terry: Ladies and gentlemen — Dina D’Angelo is “Livin’ Single”!!

[ Dina D’Angelo dances her way out onstage, joining DJ and the largely female audience in the festivities ]

Dina D’Angelo: Welcome to “Livin’ Single”!! If you’re single and loving it, say “HEYYYY!!”

Audience: “HEYYYYYY!!!!”

Dina D’Angelo: Guys! Whether you’re a widow, a divorcee, or a solo girl who just don’t give a ZANG — this show is for YOU! Right, guys! [ the audience cheers, as she dances toward two women in the audience ] It’s for YOU! How are you two doing?

Woman #1: I’m single and loving it, thanks to you!

Woman #2: I left my husband, and now I’m single and stronger!

Dina D’Angelo: Are you SO happy!

Woman #2: Almost.

Dina D’Angelo: DJ Terry — I see you!

DJ Terry: You’re changing lives, Dina!

Dina D’Angelo: Oh, you’re SUCH a good friend! [ to the audience ] You know — DJ Terry has asked me out ELEVEN times! And each time I’ve said “No.” Not because I don’t think he’s a super cool dude, but because I know that he and I are BETTER OFF… SINGLE!!!

DJ Terry: It really IS better! [ he lowers his pitch and frowns ] You’re amazing.

Dina D’Angelo: Okay! So who hates Valentine’s Day? BOOOOOO!!! Right? Well, you don’t have to hate it… any MO’! Just do what I do ladies: Get yo’ white wine, draw yo’ bubble bath, and spoil… yo’self!

DJ Terry: Or… you could go on a date with your DJ!

Dina D’Angelo: [ laughing ] Very funny, dude!

DJ Terry: [ chuckling with embarrassment ] Right?

Dina D’Angelo: Now — even if your single, Valentine’s Day is ALL about the sweets! So we have a renowned pastry chef here today. This guy is COOL, you guys! Please welcome… Damian Cryer!!

[ Damian Cryer appears onstage and begind to gyrate with Dina ]

Dina D’Angelo: Thank you for coming, Damien!!

Damian Cryer: It’s an absolute eternal pleg!

Dina D’Angelo: [ swooning ] Oh! You’re British — and much taller than I expected.

Damian Cryer: And you’re American, and you’re much lovelier than I expected. Oh — there’s something here on your face. What is it? [ he rubs around her face ] Oh, it’s my hand!

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! Okay! Uh — that just happened! Damian — let’s talk VJ desserts for one.

Damian Cryer: Certainly. Dina — what is THE most decadent, luxurious, and arousing food?

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! I don’t know!

Damian Cryer: Well, it’s, uh — it’s chocolate. Isn’t it? Could you taste, please?

[ he places a chocolate in her mouth, then lets her suck his finger back and forth ]

Dina D’Angelo: Mmm! Oh!

Damian Cryer: Good girl.

Dina D’Angelo: You just do whatever you want, don’t you?

Damian Cryer: Or whomever I want!

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! You’re funny! Terry, are you loving this guy!

[ DJ Terry stares angrily ]

DJ Terry: He’s great.

Damian Cryer: Okay! Now we’re going to make a mini chocolate love cake that’s positively sinful. Do you like sinful things, Dina?

Dina D’Angelo: Ah! [ she giggles ]

Damian Cryer: Is is sinful if I put your hand on my pectoral? [ he places he hand under his shirt ]

Dina D’Angelo: Oh!

Damian Cryer: Hmm? Is that a sin?

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! We’re having a BLAST on “Livin’ Single”! Huh? Give us a BEAT, Terry!

DJ Terry: [ fuming ] NO! I don’t want to give him the beat!

Dina D’Angelo: Terry — it’s your job!

[ DJ Terry relunctantly pushes a button, as Dina and Damian gyrate to the beat ]

Dina D’Angelo: This is our best episode YET!

Damian Cryer: Okay. Now, Dina — cripes, that was good! Now, cooking is all about chemistry.

Dina D’Angelo: Okay.

[ they stir the pot together ]

Damian Cryer: Now stir the cocoa like a good girl.

Dina D’Angelo: Okay…

Damian Cryer: Don’t be scared.

[ Damian begins to lick behind her ear as she pants breathlessly ]

Dina D’Angelo: Okay… Why are my hands shaking?

Damian Cryer: Because we’re making something, aren’t we?

DJ Terry: JUST SHOW US THE CAKE!!!

Damian Cryer: Right! Well, uh — we skipped a few steps, but here’s what the finished product will look like.

[ Damian reaches down and lifts a plate with a chocolate cake heart on it ]

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! You’re amazing!

Damian Cryer: Terry! I want that CD — will you play that CD that I gave you?

DJ Terry: You’re not my boss!!

Dina D’Angelo: Okay. Terry? It’s your job.

[ DJ Terry relunctantly pushes a button, as sexy saxophone music plays and Dina and Damian drop to the floor with a stick of butter ]

Dina D’Angelo: Oh! See you next time on “Livin’ Single”! And, remember — Just because you’re flying solo doesn’t mean you can’t — [ Damian pulls her under ] Okay, bye!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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