SNL Transcripts: Miley Cyrus: 03/05/11: CBS Gurney Month


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 16

10p: Miley Cyrus / The Strokes

CBS Gurney Month

Announcer: TV’s top shows are on CBS! We’re on a roll — rolling away dead bodies, that is! Right, now, we’ve got MORE programs that begin with a body bag than ANY other network!

Shows like: “Criminal Minds” —

“The Medium” —

“The Mentalist”

“Flashpoint” —

“Hawaii Five-O” —


and THREE “CSI”s!

And we’re about to take it up a notch! All of March is Gurney Month on CBS! We’ve got gurneys 24/7!

We’ve got one show that WASN’T about gurneys. That’s gone! “Two and a Half Men”? More like “Two and a Half Dead Bodies”!

And we keep finding WEIRDER way to kill people! Self-asphyxiation! Rooftop impaling! That dude’s in a toilet!

[ show clip of Catherine Willows on “CSI: CRime Scene Investigation” ]

Catherine Willows: You take a car traveling highway speed and hit someone just right… she could fly the length of a football field.

[ show computer graphic ]

Announcer: TOUCHDOWN!!

This month, there’s a party in the morgue! [ during an autopsy, matter is pulled from a woman’s brain ] Yikes! What’s that?! Ever have SO much fun, you feel SICK?

[ show clip of Lt. Horatio Caine on “CSI: Miami” ]

Lt. Horatio Caine: A dead body… can have that effect on you.

Announcer: We’ve got corpses! We’ve got bodies! We’ve got Meredith Baxter-Birney. Where? On a gurney!

So tag it, bag it, put it on wheels! March is Gurney Month on CBS!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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