SNL Transcripts: Miley Cyrus: 03/05/11: Cruise Ship

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 16

10p: Miley Cyrus / The Strokes

Cruise Ship

Ginger Rangers…..Miley Cyrus
Cat Lady…..Kristen Wiig
Male Passenger #1…..Kenan Thompson
Female Passenger #1…..Abby Elliott
Male Passenger #2…..Taran Killam
Barb…..Vanessa Bayer
Pat…..Bobby Moynihan
Charles…..Paul Brittain

Ginger Rangers: Thank you! Hello everyone! I hope you’re enjoying your cruise above the S.S. Canada Star. My name is Ginger Rangers and there’s no place I’d rather be performing other than for all of you. Except maybe on Broadway, or maybe a recording artist. But this is where I am and I’m loving it! Let’s see who’s in the audience. Look at your jeweled sweatshirt.

Cat Lady: I jeweled it myself.

Ginger Rangers: Show us what it says.

Cat Lady: Uh… Well -– well it says “Cat Parking 24-7” because I like to have a cat parked right here right below my bra bottom.

Ginger Rangers: Amazing!
(singing)
“You people are gross to me.
So very, very gross to me!
When I look out, what do I see?
All a bunch grossy McGrossies! Gross!”

(she moves on to the couple at thr next table)

Ginger Rangers: Hey you two, little love birds. You guys an item?

Male Passenger #1: Uhh, kind of we met Eharmony after three years of being in their database.

Female Passenger #1: We love each other and he loves my one son.

Male Passenger #1: She has two boys.

Ginger Rangers: That’s so sweet.
(singing)
“You people are gross to me!
So very, very gross to me!
How could I possibly be singing for people so gross!
Gross!”

Male Passenger #2: Hey!!!

Ginger Rangers: Hey!!! You’re almost handsome!

Male Passenger #2: Hey!!!

Ginger Rangers: Hey!!! Back!!! Halfway handsome!

Male Passenger #2: Are you singing about us, ’cause I feel like you are.

Ginger Rangers: What if I was singing about everyone but you? What if that’s what I was doing? Wouldn’t that be mean?
(singing)
“Could’ve been singing on Broadway
I had several chances or two.
Now I’m singing for the grossest people on Earth.
All of their fingers smell like shrimp.
All of your fingers smell like shrimp!
GROSS!!!!!!!!!”

Male Passenger #1: Hey! Can you stop saying that we’re gross. We’re on vacation.

Ginger Rangers: I’m sorry. Are there any requests? (to Barb) Do you have any requests?

Barb: I love “My Heart Will Go On” by Titanic.

Ginger Rangers: Charles, what do you think?

Charles: (laughing) I’m not taking any requests from these animals.

Ginger Rangers: (singing)
“Why is everyone so gross to me?
Barb and Pat and the cat lady.
Plus the couple from Eharmony!
Why is everyone so gross?!”

Ginger Rangers: (to Male Passenger #2) C’mon! C’mon! Cm’on! Try it! You’re on vacation. You’re on a cruise, c’mon! C’mon! C’mon! Say it! (singing) “So gross!!!!!!!!” (speaking) C’mon! Try it!

Male Passenger #2: I’m not saying I’m gross!

Ginger Rangers: Just say it! (singing) “I’m gross!!!!”

Male Passenger #2: (singing) “I’m gross!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ginger Rangers: Give yourself a hand. Well, that’s my time. I hope I didn’t offend anybody. You’ve been a great audience.

Submitted by: Connor Cronholm

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