Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 16
The Miley Cyrus Show
Miley Cyrus…..Vanessa Bayer
Billy Ray Cyrus…..Jason Sudeikis
Justin Bieber…..Miley Cyrus
Swagger Coach…..Taran Killam
(opens with big banner saying The Miley Cyrus Show)
Miley Cyrus: (singing) “I got guests and a show. And Im ready to go! So I guess thats pretty cool! Its pretty cool!”
Miley Cyrus: (speaks) Shello! Its Miley, yall! So this is like my show where I like talk to people that are pretty cool and well like talk about things that I think are pretty cool and yeah! Its pretty cool! Weve got the Miley Cyrus Band over here. We got my dad, Billy Ray Cyrus!
Billy Ray Cyrus: You are so special baby girl!
Miley Cyrus: Thanks dad. Ok so today for my comedy monologue I thought Id do one of my famous celebrity impressions. So Im going to do an impression and see if you can guess who it is. (impersonating Charlie Sheen) Hey, so Im like the star of Two and a half men and Im completely crazy and Ive done a bunch of interviews lately and stuff like that and Im Charlie Sheen, yall! Ok, so that was me doing an impression of Charlie Sheen. I thought it was pretty funny.
Billy Ray Cyrus: Ho, ho, ho, ho! I love your impressions baby, youre like a pretty little Darrell Hammond!
Miley Cyrus: Shwatever dad! So, my guest tonight is a lot like me by whih I mean pretty cool. Please welcome, you guessed it, Justin Bieber! Hey Justin!
Justin Bieber: Hey Miley! Its a cool show!
Miley Cyrus: Really?!
Justin Bieber: Yeah, well see.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, so, Justin, what have you been up to lately?
Justin Bieber: You know Im just chillin’ right now. Wink, cocky head, points.
Miley Cyrus: Wow! Justin Bieber, where do you get all of those cool moves?
Justin Bieber: You know, I brought my Swagger coach. (reveal his couch offstage) Thanks B-Bop!
Miley Cyrus: Thats pretty cool! Wait a minute! Justin Bieber, did you cut your hair?
Justin Bieber: Yeah ya know, its just an image change. I also do the middle finger now.
Miley Cyrus: So youre growing upm like me doing Salvia! Did you know I smoked Salvia?
Justin Bieber: You know theres no reason why you wouldnt, because its totally legal, yo!
Miley Cyrus: Now Justin, I knew you were gonna be a big star ever since we met it 2006. We actually have a picture from that day. Can we show it? (show picture of teenaged Miley holding a baby Bieber) So thats pretty cool! So, how do you like the show so far, Justin?
Justin Bieber: Its okay.
Miley Cyrus: Would you say its pretty cool?
Justin Bieber: No, actually, I wouldnt say that.
(Miley stares down Bieber)
Billy Ray Cyrus: Woo-hoo! It’s a Mexcan stand-off, if the Mexicans were tiny, talented geniuses!
Justin Bieber: MR. CYRUS!!!!!!!!!!
Miley Cyrus: DAD!!!!!!! So, Justin Bieber, there is something Ive always wanted to ask you. Like, what is your favorite album? And what is Canada like? And do you speak Canadian? And does Usher have to seek people at his own concerts because hes an usher? And do you really never say never? And have you gone through puberty?
Justin Bieber: All I have to say to that is wink, chin.
Miley Cyrus: Now Justin, you recently released a 3-D movie about youre life called Never Say Never. Which is really cool, cause, I just made my own 3-D movie about my life and how I got started and lets see a clip!
Billy Ray Cyrus: Is she awake? Hey Miley! Hows my little angel baby?
Miley Cyrus: O-my-god! This is like so insightful cause Im a baby but Im already super talented and stuff like that and this is like super cool home video footage and this is all so goo goo gag a! In 3-D!
Miley Cyrus: So thats the clip what did you think?
Justin Bieber: I thought it was pretty cool! I mean ugh ugh it was cool!
Miley Cyrus: Well thats our show everybody! C-mon Justin! Hit it dad!
Miley Cyrus & Justin Bieber: (singing) “I got guests! And a show! And Im ready to go! So, I guess thats pretty cool! Its pretty cool!”
Submitted by: Connor Cronholm