SNL Transcripts: Miley Cyrus: 03/05/11: Miley Cyrus’ Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 16

10p: Miley Cyrus / The Strokes

Miley Cyrus’ Monologue

…..Miley Cyrus
…..Bobby Moynihan
…..Kristen Wiig

Announcer: Ladies and gnetlemen — Miley Cyrus!

Miley Cyrus: Thank you! Thank you, guys! It’s great to be here hosting “Saturday Night Live”. The cast is amazing! Tonight, we have guests… and a show… and I’m ready to go. So… I guess that’s pretty cool!

You know, I did a show for a long time, called “Hannah Montana”. You know, it explored TWO sides of the same girl — normal by day, rock star by night. It’s like the Disney Channel’s version of “Black Swan”. I’ve been in the public eye for almost half my life, and I’m mostly a White Swan kind of girl, but… there have been a few Black Swan moments. You know, I’ve never been arrested or anything. My scandals are more like… Miley and some girl were chewing on the same Twizzler, someone took a photo, and now it’s all over the Internet. And, you know, that may upset some people, and… for that, I’m truly sorry. Let me put it this way:

[ singing ] “There’s a photo of me being kissed by a dude
And Annie Leibovitz tried to get me nude
For those of you who think that’s very crude
I’m sorry that I’m not perfect!

I never stole a necklace or got a D.U.I.
Never cheated on my wife like that golfer guy
So what, you can see a little boob from the side?
I’m sorry that I’m not perfect!

And sure, I danced on a pole and people called it sinning
But at least I didn’t date a porn star and tell everyone I’m “winning”.”

[ Bobby Moynihan and Kristen Wiig appear as back-up singers ]

Kristen Wiig: [ singing ] “Didn’t make a dirty tape and pass it along.”

Bobby Moynihan: [ singing ] “Didn’t text a photo of your dong.”

Miley Cyrus: [ singing ] “Don’t both of these things seem worse than a bo-o-o-o-o-o-ong?”

[ she waits for the audience to applaud ]

“I’m sorry!”

Bobby & Kristen: She’s sorry!

Miley Cyrus: [ singing ] So sorry!

Bobby & Kristen: So sorry!

Miley Cyrus: [ singing ] Really sorry… that I’m… not… perfe-e-e-e-e-e-ect!

[ the audience cheers ]

Miley Cyrus: Thank you! We’ve got a great ahow for you guys tonight! The Strokes are here! So stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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