SNL Transcripts: Zach Galifianakis: 03/12/11: Corn Syrup Producers of America

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 17

10q: Zach Galifianakis / Jessie J

Corn Syrup Producers of America

Mom #1…..Nasim Pedrad
Mom #2…..Kristen Wiig
Daughter…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: [ over product slide ] The following is a message from the Corn Syrup Producers of America.

[ dissolve to child’s birthday party scene ] [ Mom #1 pours juice from a jug as Mom #2 steps forward ]

Mom #2: Wow. You don’t care what the kids eat, huh?

Mom #1: Excuse me?

Mom #2: Uh, that has high-fructose corn syrup in it.

Mom #1: [ incredulous ] And?

Mom #2: Well, you know the things they say about high-fructose corn syrup. [ she laughs ]

Mom #1: Like what?

Mom #2: Well… um…

Mom #1: That it’s made from corn, and it’s natural enough and like sugar and it’s fine in moderation?

Mom #2: I guess…

Mom #1: You guess what? That you should have kept your MOUTH shut?

[ Mom #2 is rendered speechless ] [ Mom #1 raises her eyebrows in assured victory ]

Mom #2: I-I never… [ she sips from her mug ]

Mom #1: Never what? Never heard of science? You know, this is a real jam for me — trust scientists… or stay-at-home mom Sheila from down the street who’s having wine at ten a.m.

Mom #2: I’m sorry… Let’s just…

Mom #1: Let’s just what? Make a bigger deal about the corn syrup? At this FUN party that I’ve invited you to, even though I didn’t want to because you say shit like this?

Mom #2: Okay. [ collecting her thoughts ] Hey, that’s a great sweater!

Mom #1: Thanks! It was my daughter’s, but she grew out of it.

[ cut to plump daughter spilling out of her tight clothes ]

Daughter: Mommy! Could I have some more juicy drink?

Mom #1: Of course, you can!

Daughter: Yeah!

[ she chugs the drink then runs off, exposinger her butt crack ]

Mom #2: She’s cute.

Mom #1: Yep.

Mom #1 V/O: Get the facts. Check out our web site… [ SUPER: “” ] and no other web sites.

[ fade ]

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