Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 17
Corn Syrup Producers of America
Mom #1…..Nasim Pedrad
Mom #2…..Kristen Wiig
Announcer: [ over product slide ] The following is a message from the Corn Syrup Producers of America.
[ dissolve to child’s birthday party scene ]
[ Mom #1 pours juice from a jug as Mom #2 steps forward ]
Mom #2: Wow. You don’t care what the kids eat, huh?
Mom #1: Excuse me?
Mom #2: Uh, that has high-fructose corn syrup in it.
Mom #1: [ incredulous ] And?
Mom #2: Well, you know the things they say about high-fructose corn syrup. [ she laughs ]
Mom #1: Like what?
Mom #2: Well… um…
Mom #1: That it’s made from corn, and it’s natural enough and like sugar and it’s fine in moderation?
Mom #2: I guess…
Mom #1: You guess what? That you should have kept your MOUTH shut?
[ Mom #2 is rendered speechless ]
[ Mom #1 raises her eyebrows in assured victory ]
Mom #2: I-I never… [ she sips from her mug ]
Mom #1: Never what? Never heard of science? You know, this is a real jam for me — trust scientists… or stay-at-home mom Sheila from down the street who’s having wine at ten a.m.
Mom #2: I’m sorry… Let’s just…
Mom #1: Let’s just what? Make a bigger deal about the corn syrup? At this FUN party that I’ve invited you to, even though I didn’t want to because you say shit like this?
Mom #2: Okay. [ collecting her thoughts ] Hey, that’s a great sweater!
Mom #1: Thanks! It was my daughter’s, but she grew out of it.
[ cut to plump daughter spilling out of her tight clothes ]
Daughter: Mommy! Could I have some more juicy drink?
Mom #1: Of course, you can!
[ she chugs the drink then runs off, exposinger her butt crack ]
Mom #2: She’s cute.
Mom #1: Yep.
Mom #1 V/O: Get the facts. Check out our web site… [ SUPER: “ThereAreWorseThingsThanCornSyrup.com” ] and no other web sites.
[ fade ]