SNL Transcripts: Helen Mirren: 04/09/11



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 19


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April 9th, 2011

Helen Mirren

Foo Fighters

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A Message from the President of the United StatesSummary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) announces that everyone in America is unhappy that the government shutdown was averted.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Montage

Helen Mirren’s MonologueSummary: To acknowledge that she’s nothing like the Queen she played on film, Helen Mirren and back-up sailors sing “There is Nothing Like a Dame”.

Mort Mort Feingold: Accountant for the StarSummary: Mort Mort Feingold (Andy Samberg) examines his celebrity clients’ taxes.

Recurring Characters: Mort Mort Feingold, James Franco, Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Ricky Martin, Will Smith, Johnny Depp, Muammer Gaddafi.

Transcript

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: After touching “Helen Mirren’s Titties”, Nasim Pedrad’s eyes are opened to the natural beauties of the world.

Fox & FriendsSummary: Fox’s morning pundits Steve Doocy (Taran Killam), Gretchen Carlson (Vanessa Bayer) and Brian Kilmeade (Bobby Moynihan) make random political statements that have to be researched by their fact-checker (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, Hank Williams, Jr., Lou.

Transcript

Mary ShelleySummary: Mary Shelley (Helen Mirren) insists to her party guests that her novel “Frankenstein” is not based on her monster-like landlord Frank Stein (Fred Armisen) and his idiot son Igor (Paul Brittain).

Transcript

Foo Fighters perform “Rope”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: James Carville (Bill Hader) comments on the near-government shutdown. Flight attendant Shelly Elaine (Kristen Wiig) describes a harrowing near-crash. Jean K. Jean (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: James Carville, Jean K. Jean.

The Best of Both WorldsSummary: Hugh Jackman (Andy Samberg) interviews fellow actors who tackle film roles that reveal two different sides of their personas.

Recurring Characters: Hugh Jackman, Ice Cube, Julie Andrews, Richie.

Crunk-Ass Easter FestivalSummary: DJ Super Soak (Jason Sudeikis) and Lil Blaster (Nasim Pedrad) promote the under-underground Easter rock festival that features DJ Stank Skunk (Helen Mirren) at the Dunk Tank.

Recurring Characters: DJ Super Soak, Lil Blaster, Ass Dan, MC George Castanza.

Transcript

The RooseveltsSummary: The Reelz Channel presents an historically inaccurate mini-series based on the lives of Franklin (Bill Hader) and Elenour Roosevelt (Helen Mirren).

Recurring Characters: Elenour Roosevelt, Adolph Hitler, Marilyn Monroe.

Transcript

Perspectives Photo StudiosSummary: Spokesman (Jason Sudeikis) promotes the trick photography techniques that makes men’s penises look larger for cell phone photo submissions.

Note: This sketch was cut from last week’s Dress Rehearsal.

Transcript

Foo Fighters perform “Walk”

Bongo’s Clown RoomSummary: Strip joint MC Tommy (Jason Sudeikis) announces it’s his final night on the job after winning $9,200 from a lottery scratch-off ticket.

Recurring Characters: MC Tommy.

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Don’ You Go Rounin’ Roun To Re Ro IISummary: Trailer for a new British film with more unintelligible dialogue.

Late Night with Tyler PerrySummary: Tyler Perry (Kenan Thompson) interviews Helen Mirren on his new late night talk show.

PTA MeetingSummary: School teacher (Helen Mirren) discusses her student with his father (Bobby Moynihan).

Queen IsabelleSummary: Christopher Columbus (Fred Armisen) begs Queen Isabelle (Helen Mirren) to lend him a ship so he can discover the new world.

Billy Ocean ConcertSummary: Billy Ocean’s (Jay Pharoah) biggest fan (Helen Mirren) attends his concert, vexing her husband (Jason Sudeikis) with the news that they are old friends.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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