Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 19
10s: Helen Mirren / Foo Fighters
Crunk-Ass Easter Festival
DJ Supersoak…..Jason Sudeikis
Lil’ Blaster…..Nasim Pedrad MC George Castanza…..Jay Pharoah
Ass Dan…..Bobby Moynihan
DJ Stink Skunk…..Helen Mirren
[ open on fiery graphics ]
Announcer: Under-Underground Records is BACK!
[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]
DJ Supersoak: What up, yo! I’m DJ Supersoak!
Lil’ Blaster: And I’m Lil’ Blaster! And in case you didn’t notice, it’s that crazy-ass time of year again!
Together: EAS-TERRR!!
Lil’ Blaster: WHOO WHOO!!
DJ Supersoak: And what better way to celebrate, than with the first-ever Crunk-Ass Easter Festival!
Announcer: Crunk-Ass Easter Festival
[ cut to DJ Supersoak ]
Lil’ Blaster: We’ve got the HOTTEST underground rap and rock!
Announcer: These bands will… GIVE! JESUS! NIGHTMARES!!
[ explosion ]
Announcer: With performances by: Buttwand! Sneaky Priest! DJ Vlade Divac! The Black Wiggers! Eagle-Eye Cherry! And a very special acoustic set… by Mrs. Potato Dick!
[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]
DJ Supersoak: Word! And you KNOW we got some Crunk-Ass fun for the LITTLE ninjas!
Lil’ Blaster: Like an Easter egg hunt, for all you dumb-ass kids!
DJ Supersoak: Oh, and this year — the eggs are SCRAMBLED, yo!
Announcer: Grab a handful!!
DJ Supersoak: Crunk-Ass Easter is ALSO about giving back! Here to tell you more, is MC George Castanza!
[ cut to MC George Castanza ]
MC George Castanza: Yo! We got a NEW charity, called…
Announcer: GROSS ASS CRAP FOR ORPHANS!!
MC George Castanza: We gonna send ’em stuff that no one else is sendin’ ’em! Yeah! So bring us your busted-ass Nordic tracks — yeah! — your new and lightly-used condoms — yeah, yeah! — your unactivated Starbucks gift cards, and we’ll give you a free:
Announcer: KICK IN THE DICK!!
Lil’ Blaster: Plus! WE got some fresh-ass special guests!
DJ Supersoak: New York Times crossword guru Will Shortz! The female Gremlin!
Lil’ Blaster: Stand-up comedy from the Menendez Brothers!
DJ Supersoak: And the entire 1993 Mivhigan Basketball Team! Except the best five and the next best five.
Announcer: [ over mostly blacked-out team photo ] WE GOT THE WHITE GUYS!!
DJ Supersoak: Word! And, since this is Easter, we FINALLY gonna give a proper burial to our deceased friend Ass Dan!
[ cut to Ass Dan waving his arms ]
Ass Dan: Yeaaaaaaahhhh!! Check the tomb on the third gate, BITCH!! You KNOW I’m gonna live for —
[ freeze-frame, with SUPER: “Ass Dan, 1981-2011” ]
Lil’ Blaster: There’s gonna be MAD crunkin’, y’all!
DJ Supersoak: See “60 Minutes”, performed LIVE! And, yo, you’d BEST avoid the Noid! Because he’s got a SHOTGUN full of HORSE SHIT!!
Lil’ Blaster: Then say Hello to honorary guests, the Chilean Miners! Before we send them…
Together: BACK!! INTO!! THE MINE!!
Announcer: NO SE GUSTAN!!
[ explosion ]
[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]
DJ Supersoak: And no DOUBT I’ll be hanging at the Dunk Tank, with DJ Stank Skunk!
[ cut to DJ Stink Skunk ]
DJ Stink Skunk: Ohhhhhhh, yeah, BITCHES!! Five dollars gets you THREE tosses and a chance to dunk this year’s special guest:
Announcer: ELIAN GONZALEZ!!
[ DJ Stink Skunk laughs maniacally ]
DJ Supersoak: WORD!! And make sure you check out our IMAX screening of “Juwanna Mann”!
Lil’ Blaster: Yo! That She’s a He!
DJ Supersoak: Come swim in the toilet from “Slumdog Millionaire”!
Lil’ Blaster: See a live sex show from the Green M&M!
DJ Supersoak: And you KNOW we got methed-out coyotes running ALL OVER THIS BITCH!!
Lil’ Blaster: Crunk-Ass Easter! And it all takes place — where else?
Together: THE STREETS!! OF!! LIBYA!!
[ explosion ]
Announcer: See you ninjas there!!
[ fade ]
