SNL Transcripts: Helen Mirren: 04/09/11: Crunk-Ass Easter Festival



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 19


















10s: Helen Mirren / Foo Fighters

Crunk-Ass Easter Festival

DJ Supersoak…..Jason Sudeikis
Lil’ Blaster…..Nasim Pedrad MC George Castanza…..Jay Pharoah
Ass Dan…..Bobby Moynihan
DJ Stink Skunk…..Helen Mirren

[ open on fiery graphics ]

Announcer: Under-Underground Records is BACK!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: What up, yo! I’m DJ Supersoak!

Lil’ Blaster: And I’m Lil’ Blaster! And in case you didn’t notice, it’s that crazy-ass time of year again!

Together: EAS-TERRR!!

Lil’ Blaster: WHOO WHOO!!

DJ Supersoak: And what better way to celebrate, than with the first-ever Crunk-Ass Easter Festival!

Announcer: Crunk-Ass Easter Festival

[ cut to DJ Supersoak ]

Lil’ Blaster: We’ve got the HOTTEST underground rap and rock!

Announcer: These bands will… GIVE! JESUS! NIGHTMARES!!

[ explosion ]

Announcer: With performances by: Buttwand! Sneaky Priest! DJ Vlade Divac! The Black Wiggers! Eagle-Eye Cherry! And a very special acoustic set… by Mrs. Potato Dick!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: Word! And you KNOW we got some Crunk-Ass fun for the LITTLE ninjas!

Lil’ Blaster: Like an Easter egg hunt, for all you dumb-ass kids!

DJ Supersoak: Oh, and this year — the eggs are SCRAMBLED, yo!

Announcer: Grab a handful!!

DJ Supersoak: Crunk-Ass Easter is ALSO about giving back! Here to tell you more, is MC George Castanza!

[ cut to MC George Castanza ]

MC George Castanza: Yo! We got a NEW charity, called…

Announcer: GROSS ASS CRAP FOR ORPHANS!!

MC George Castanza: We gonna send ’em stuff that no one else is sendin’ ’em! Yeah! So bring us your busted-ass Nordic tracks — yeah! — your new and lightly-used condoms — yeah, yeah! — your unactivated Starbucks gift cards, and we’ll give you a free:

Announcer: KICK IN THE DICK!!

Lil’ Blaster: Plus! WE got some fresh-ass special guests!

DJ Supersoak: New York Times crossword guru Will Shortz! The female Gremlin!

Lil’ Blaster: Stand-up comedy from the Menendez Brothers!

DJ Supersoak: And the entire 1993 Mivhigan Basketball Team! Except the best five and the next best five.

Announcer: [ over mostly blacked-out team photo ] WE GOT THE WHITE GUYS!!

DJ Supersoak: Word! And, since this is Easter, we FINALLY gonna give a proper burial to our deceased friend Ass Dan!

[ cut to Ass Dan waving his arms ]

Ass Dan: Yeaaaaaaahhhh!! Check the tomb on the third gate, BITCH!! You KNOW I’m gonna live for —

[ freeze-frame, with SUPER: “Ass Dan, 1981-2011” ]

Lil’ Blaster: There’s gonna be MAD crunkin’, y’all!

DJ Supersoak: See “60 Minutes”, performed LIVE! And, yo, you’d BEST avoid the Noid! Because he’s got a SHOTGUN full of HORSE SHIT!!

Lil’ Blaster: Then say Hello to honorary guests, the Chilean Miners! Before we send them…

Together: BACK!! INTO!! THE MINE!!

Announcer: NO SE GUSTAN!!

[ explosion ]

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: And no DOUBT I’ll be hanging at the Dunk Tank, with DJ Stank Skunk!

[ cut to DJ Stink Skunk ]

DJ Stink Skunk: Ohhhhhhh, yeah, BITCHES!! Five dollars gets you THREE tosses and a chance to dunk this year’s special guest:

Announcer: ELIAN GONZALEZ!!

[ DJ Stink Skunk laughs maniacally ]

DJ Supersoak: WORD!! And make sure you check out our IMAX screening of “Juwanna Mann”!

Lil’ Blaster: Yo! That She’s a He!

DJ Supersoak: Come swim in the toilet from “Slumdog Millionaire”!

Lil’ Blaster: See a live sex show from the Green M&M!

DJ Supersoak: And you KNOW we got methed-out coyotes running ALL OVER THIS BITCH!!

Lil’ Blaster: Crunk-Ass Easter! And it all takes place — where else?

Together: THE STREETS!! OF!! LIBYA!!

[ explosion ]

Announcer: See you ninjas there!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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