Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 20
10t: Tina Fey / Ellie Goulding
Pregnant in Heels
Announcer…..Seth Meyers
Rosie Pope…..Abby Elliott
Shoshanna Bunt…..Tina Fey
Shoshanna’s husband…..Taran Killam
LT…..Jay Pharoah
[open on BRAVO ident, followed by Pregant In Heels titles and establishing shots of New York and Rosie Pope]
Announcer: This week on BRAVO: it’s an all new Pregnant in Heels
[Cut to testimonial]
Rosie Pope: Hi! I’m Rosie Pope Matehnity Conciehge.
[Exterior and interior shots of Rosie Pope’s shop]
[Cut to testimonial]
Rosie Pope: I provide mah pregnant clients with anything they wahnt. No matter how extreme.
[Rosie Pope hands a Martini glass to a pregnant woman, then proceeds to hold a miniature Martini glass under her skirt]
Announcer: And she’s got her work cut out for her with millionaire mummy-to-be: Shoshanna Bunt.
Shoshanna Bunt: I’m the president of ‘Shoshanna Bunt PR’, we are a PR firm that represents other PR firms. I love being pregants [sic]! I’ve already lost 35 pounds.
[She applauds herself with false humility]
[Cut to interior of Rosie Pope’s shop]
Announcer: Watch Rosie deal with lots of questions.
Shoshanna’s husband: I’m sorry what’s wrong with your voice?
Rosie Pope: Well, I was born in England, then moved to America and every morning a thousand bees sting my tahngue.
Announcer: And – lots of demands!
Shoshanna Bunt: Rosie, when my baby is born I wanna make sure that the delivery room is, like, total VIP. No randos!
Rosie Pope: Pahfect.
Shoshanna Bunt: No uglies.
Rosie Pope: Pahfect.
Shoshanna Bunt: No fatties.
Rosie Pope: Pahfect.
Shoshanna Bunt: No docties that’s doctors.
Rosie Pope: Whoa.
Shoshanna Bunt: And I wanna have a water birth, but instead of water I want diet coke.
[Sound of record scratching. Rosie Pope and Shoshanna Bunt exchange tense looks.]
Announcer: And! We have this guy!
[Cut to LT in Rosie’s shop, holding up a tiny shirt with ASS printed on it.]
[Cut to testimonial]
LT: I am not a person, as I am a collection of choices.
[Cut to interior of Rosie Pope’s shop]
Shoshanna Bunt: I just found out that babies are born naked, which is disgusting!
Rosie Pope: Yah. I’m way ahead of you.
[She holds up a stick with a tiny stylish hat, tiny tie and tiny waistcoat attached to it]
Rosie Pope: Prop your legs up and I’ll get this outfit to the bahbyh.
[Shoshanna does]
Rosie Pope: Don’t worry. It’s just like building a ship in a bottahl.
[Rosie starts aiming the stick at Shoshanna]
Announcer: Plus: we’ll pad the boring moments with signature BRAVO music.
[Cut to Rosie, Shoshanna and husband exchanging looks for a minute, while BRAVO’s signature music plays.]
Announcer: And cuts to a dog!
[Cut to a dog]
[Cut back to Shoshanna, back to the dog, back to Rosie Pope]
Rosie Pope: Pahfect.
[Cut to testimonial]
Shoshanna Bunt: Rosie’s the best. She even got a celebrity to make a personal appearance in my ultrasound.
[Cut to a picture of Shoshanna’s ultrasound with Kanye West next to the fetus]
[Cut to exterior of a hospital]
Announcer: Rosies’s even there on the big day!
[Cut to delivery room. Rosie and LT stand by Shoshanna as she gives birth. Rosie lets out a distressed Whoooaaa as the doctor delivers the baby.]
Doctor: It’s a boy!
Shoshanna Bunt: Don’t cut the cord, I might wanna return it.
[Cut to testimonial]
Shoshanna Bunt: [distracted by her ring] Thanks, Rosie!
Rosie Pope: You’re wahlcome!
LT: I did not help at all!
[Cut to ‘Pregnant In Heels’ titles]
Announcer: ‘Pregnant In Heels’! Only on BRAVO! Right after an all new ‘Loud Old Bitches’ and ‘America’s Next Dumb Gay Guy’!
Submitted by: Bon Nitsch
