SNL Transcripts: Ed Helms: 05/14/11


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 21

This free script provided by]]> Widgets

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

May 14th, 2011

Ed Helms

Paul Simon


Chris Colfer

Lindsey Buckingham

John Hamm

Jimmy Fallon

Steve Carell

Stephen Colbert


The Situation RoomSummary: While delivering a speech on immigration, President Barack Obama instead overpats himself on the back for having killed Osama bin Laden.

Recurring Characters: Wolf Blitzer, President Barack Obama.



Ed Helms’ MonologueSummary: Ed Helms relates the tale of how he equated the art of baton-twirling with pursuing a career in show business.

Corn Syrup Producers of AmericaSummary: Moms (Nasim Pedrad, Kristen Wiig) disagree on the virtues of high-fructose corn syrup.

Note: Repeat from 10q.

What Up With That?Summary: Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) interrupts musical greats Paul Simon, Chris Colfer, Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) and another Lindsey Buckingham so he can continue singing his theme song.

Recurring Characters: Diondre Cole, Lindsey Buckingham.

TV FunhouseSummary: In Robert Smigel’s “The Ambiguously Gay Duo”, superheroes Ace (Jon Hamm) and Gary (Jimmy Fallon) appear in the flesh after being zapped with a flesh ray by Bighead (Steve Carell), Dr. Brainio (Stephen Colbert), and Half Face (Ed Helms).


Paul Simon performs “Rewrite”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Secondhand news correspondent Anthony Crispino (Bobby Moynihan) bungles more news stories. Will Smith (Jay Pharaoh) defends his actions of leaving his trailer on a Soho street by reminding people that things are always better in his presence. Garth (Fred Armisen) & Kat (Kristen Wiig) are ill-prepared to debut their new vacation-themed album.

Recurring Characters: Anthony Crispino, Will Smith, Garth, Kat.

Song MemoriesSummary: Group of buddies (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Ed Helms) share stories while listening to Cat Stevens’ “Wild World”.

Recurring Characters: Bar Buddies.


One Take TonySummary: Charactor actor Tony Toluca (Andy Samberg) can perform all of his scenes in a single take, as long as the director (Ed Helms) never stops rolling the camera).

Recurring Characters: Louis Armstrong.

Paul Simon performs “So Beautiful Or So What”

Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A TrashcanSummary: Ann-MArgret (Kristen Wiig) dances all around the house in her pursuit to throw a wad of paper into a trash can for her beau (Ed Helms).

Recurring Characters: Ann-Margret.


Republican CandidateSummary: A brief message of hope is delivered by a generic Republican candidate (Ed Helms).



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

A Message from the President of the United StatesSummary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) discusses shredding documents and burying them at sea.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

WXPD NewsSummary: Elder reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) teeters through a live remote at a high school following a carbon monoxide scare.

Recurring Characters: Anchor, Herb Welch.

Note: This sketch will air on nexr week’s episode hosted by Justin Timberlake.

Buchanan BrothersSummary: Parents (Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig) prevent their daughter (Vanessa Bayer) from making out during the prom by placing the Buchanan Brothers’ (Ed Helms, Taran Killan) turn-off music in her date’s (Paul Brittain) car.


Sea SaltSummary: Chef (Ed Helms) claims he can prevent health problems by cooking only with sea salt.

HandimalsSummary: Hand-painted animals are used for making prank phone calls.

Google InterviewSummary: Google executive (Ed Helms) makes fun of applicant’s (Andy Samberg) during an interview.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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