SNL Transcripts: Ed Helms: 05/14/11: Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A Trashcan


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 21

10u: Ed Helms / Paul Simon

Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A Trashcan

Beau…..Ed Helms
Ann-Margret…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on interior living space, 60’s-era swanky abode ]

Beau: [ holding up crumpled wad of paper ] Throw this away for me, would you, Doll?

[ drum cymbals begin to beat lightly, as Ann-Margret, back to the camera, holds out her hand ]

Announcer: And now… Ann-Margret Tries to THrow Away a Wad of Paper Into a Trashcan.”

[ Ann-Margret grabs the wad of paper and turns to face the camera ]

Ann-Margret: Let’s make this happen!

[ as the drum cymbals, crash she begins to shimmy across the living room ]

Beau: [ smashing his cigarette into the ashtray ] It’s right over there.

[ Ann-Margret swings her arms up and down in rhythm ]

Beau: Yeah, yeah — you’re not very close.

[ Ann-Margret shimmies back and forth across the floor ]

Beau: It’s over here, actually.

[ Ann-Margret shimmies further away from the trashcan ]

Beau: The other way. You know what? [ he crosses the room and grabs the trashcan ] Here we go. I’ll just put it right there for you. There’s no way you can miss it now.

[ he takes his seat on the sofa ]

Beau: Alright, sweetheart. You’re right on top of it. You can just let go any time.

[ Ann-Margret drops back onto the sofa, kicks her legs in the air and shakes her head ]

Beau: [ to himself ] I should have done this. I should have done this myself.

[ Ann-Margret jumps back to her feet and shimmies back across the room ]

Beau: Okay, now you’re straddling it! Now you’re straddling it! How do you not know it’s there?!

[ Ann-Margret prances into the hall ]

Beau: Now where are you going? Okay, running around the hallway. That’s not helping.

[ Ann-Margaret disappears into the hallway, then her hand holding the wad of paper emerges, and soon she bounces out behind it ]

Beau: Oh, there it is. A litle bee-bop-a-doo.

[ Ann-Margret returns to the living room ]

Beau: There, she’s coming back!

[ Ann-Margret begins to spank her hindside as she dances over the trashcan ]

Beau: Spanking it. Right there! It’s right there! You got it! Come here! Look! Eyes on me! Eyes on me! Trashcan! Paper in the trash! THROW IT!!

[ the music crashes to a stop, as Ann-Margret finally drops the wad of paper in the trashcan ]

Beau: Yeah. You did a great job, Ann.

[ the doorbell rings ]

Beau: Well, there’s someone at the door.

[ the music stings, as the camera zooms in on Ann-Margret’s expectant face ]

Ann-Margret: Let’s make this happen!

[ Ann-Margret begins to shimmy backwards toward the door ]

Beau: So… does this mean you’re gonna get the door?

[ Ann-Margret continues to shimmy in place ]

Beau: No? Just more dancing? Alright, you know what? I’ll get it.

[ he tries to slip past Ann-Margret, but she keeps shimmying in his way ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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