SNL Transcripts: Ed Helms: 05/14/11: Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A Trashcan

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 21

10u: Ed Helms / Paul Simon

Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A Trashcan

Beau…..Ed Helms
Ann-Margret…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on interior living space, 60’s-era swanky abode ]

Beau: [ holding up crumpled wad of paper ] Throw this away for me, would you, Doll?

[ drum cymbals begin to beat lightly, as Ann-Margret, back to the camera, holds out her hand ]

Announcer: And now… Ann-Margret Tries to THrow Away a Wad of Paper Into a Trashcan.”

[ Ann-Margret grabs the wad of paper and turns to face the camera ]

Ann-Margret: Let’s make this happen!

[ as the drum cymbals, crash she begins to shimmy across the living room ]

Beau: [ smashing his cigarette into the ashtray ] It’s right over there.

[ Ann-Margret swings her arms up and down in rhythm ]

Beau: Yeah, yeah — you’re not very close.

[ Ann-Margret shimmies back and forth across the floor ]

Beau: It’s over here, actually.

[ Ann-Margret shimmies further away from the trashcan ]

Beau: The other way. You know what? [ he crosses the room and grabs the trashcan ] Here we go. I’ll just put it right there for you. There’s no way you can miss it now.

[ he takes his seat on the sofa ]

Beau: Alright, sweetheart. You’re right on top of it. You can just let go any time.

[ Ann-Margret drops back onto the sofa, kicks her legs in the air and shakes her head ]

Beau: [ to himself ] I should have done this. I should have done this myself.

[ Ann-Margret jumps back to her feet and shimmies back across the room ]

Beau: Okay, now you’re straddling it! Now you’re straddling it! How do you not know it’s there?!

[ Ann-Margret prances into the hall ]

Beau: Now where are you going? Okay, running around the hallway. That’s not helping.

[ Ann-Margaret disappears into the hallway, then her hand holding the wad of paper emerges, and soon she bounces out behind it ]

Beau: Oh, there it is. A litle bee-bop-a-doo.

[ Ann-Margret returns to the living room ]

Beau: There, she’s coming back!

[ Ann-Margret begins to spank her hindside as she dances over the trashcan ]

Beau: Spanking it. Right there! It’s right there! You got it! Come here! Look! Eyes on me! Eyes on me! Trashcan! Paper in the trash! THROW IT!!

[ the music crashes to a stop, as Ann-Margret finally drops the wad of paper in the trashcan ]

Beau: Yeah. You did a great job, Ann.

[ the doorbell rings ]

Beau: Well, there’s someone at the door.

[ the music stings, as the camera zooms in on Ann-Margret’s expectant face ]

Ann-Margret: Let’s make this happen!

[ Ann-Margret begins to shimmy backwards toward the door ]

Beau: So… does this mean you’re gonna get the door?

[ Ann-Margret continues to shimmy in place ]

Beau: No? Just more dancing? Alright, you know what? I’ll get it.

[ he tries to slip past Ann-Margret, but she keeps shimmying in his way ]

[ fade ]

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