Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 22
10v: Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga
Justin Timberlake’s Monologue
…..Justin Timberlake
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Justin Timberlake!
Justin Timberlake: Wow! Wow! Thank you! Thank you! Wow! Thank you mom, I’m glad you’re here tonight mom. Um.. here we are, I’m so excted to be hosting the seson finale of “Saturday Night Live”. Now, in the past when I’ve hosted this show, I’ve also beeen the musical guest. But tonight is different. Okay? Tonight, Lady Gaga is here. Oh, I know yeah! And, ugh, I told Lorne this is great! Now theres no pressure on me to sing because its Gagas moment. And then he said, “Youll do one song, right?” And I said, “I dont think so.” And he said, “Justin.” And I said, “Lorne.” And he said, “Please”, and he said, “Justin”, and I said, “Lorne”, and he said, “Justin”, and I said, “NO!… Lorne.” And, finally, I realized I had to explain it in a way hed understand.
[ singing]
“Im not gonna sing tonight.
No, Im not gonna sing tonight.
I know you want me to sing and dance around
but Im gonna let down
’cause Im not gonna sing tonight.
No Im not gonna do that.
Just here to do the comedy thing.
And, Im not gonna sing tonight.
Not gonna do that thing where my voice goes high!
Even though people love it.
Not gonna make the beat drop out.
Then bring it back in
’cause Im not gonna sing tonight.
Not gonna slow it down a bit
And as I step off stage and make my way to a lady.
And sing to her like shes the only one here tonight.
You are.
Not gonna do that thing where I sing to the lens without breaking eye contact.
Not gonna do my sexy voice or take a single sexy breath tonight.
Not gonna sing!
Im not gonna sing!
No matter how much you cry!
I dont wanna sing!
Just let me do my thing.
And my thing aint to sing, no!
Tonight!!!!!!!!
Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O!!!!!!
Not gonna do that thing where I take my jacket off and do a silly dance move.
And dont give me a pork-pied hat ’cause I wont put it on tonight.
Not gonna do that thing where I shout out a place to get myself some cheaper beers!
Dont need to do that thing, ’cause Im in New York City tonight!
Right? Anybody here from Jersey?
Huh? Alright!
So this will be fast.
Not gonna stand in the rain and sing a song like my heart’s been broken.
I did that in a video once and Im not gonna do it tonight.
Im not gonna do that thing!
Im not gonna do that sing!
Im not gonna sing, said Im not gonna sing, Im not gonna sing….
TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Justin Timberlake: Lady Gaga is here! Stick around, weve got a great show! Well be right back!
Submitted by: Connor Cronholm