Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 22
What’s That Name?
Vince Blight…..Bill Hader
Chris Kirkpatrick…..Taran Killam
Announcer: And now, it’s time to play: “What’s That Name?” And here’s your host — Vince Blight![ Vince Blight runs onto the game set ]
Vince Blight: Hello! Hello and welcome to “What’s That Name?: Celebrity Edition”! The rules are the same as always: We show you a person, you tell us their name. And our contestants today are JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!
Justin Timberlake: Alright! How you doing, Vince Blight!
Vince Blight: Good, good! And LADY GAGA!!
Lady Gaga: [ covering one eye ] I’m ready to play… and win!
Vince Blight: Alright! And the firt question goes to you, Justin: [ reveal image ] “This funky feline rapped with Paula Abdul.” What’s That Name?
Justin Timberlake: I know that. Uhhhh… that’s MC Skat Cat![ ding! ]
Justin Timberlake: [ singing ] “Two steps forward, two steps back…”
Vince Blight: Oh, you’re the man, J.T.! You just won ten dollars. Next up: Lady Gaga. [ reveal image ] “Though best known for acting in ‘The Princess Bride’, he’s also written several off-Broadway plays.”
Lady Gaga: That is Wallace Shawn.[ ding! ]
Vince Blight: Alright! Ten dollars to you! Ready to go again, J.T.?
Justin Timberlake: You know it, Vince!
Vince Blight: [ he chuckles ] Ah, this next question is worth $100,000! Here to read the clue… is the woman herself.[ Katie runs out ]
Katie: We made love at the W Hotel two weeks ago. It was after your premiere. You told me I was beautiful, and to, uh, never give up on my photography! What’s my name?
Justin Timberlake: [ dumbfounded ] …Hey, girl! You… you look good!
Katie: I know! That’s why you had sex with me! What’s my name? We had an inside joke about how my feet were cold! What’s my name?
Justin Timberlake: Uhhh… a hot babe like you… you gotta have a hot name! So… Cheyenne.[ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: Audience! What’s That Name?
Katie: Maybe you would have remembered me… if I was a rapping cat.
Vince Blight: Ooooooohhhh! Good takedown!
Justin Timberlake: [ defensive ] Okay, look — what the hell kind of show is this?
Vince Blight: It’s “What’s That Name?: Celebrity Edition”! Okay, Lady Gaga, you’re up next.
Justin Timberlake: Get ready, Gaga… this game’s tough.
Vince Blight: We’ve got another walk-on clue.
Alphonse: You don’t know me. I saw your Monster show and I hung out by the stage door.
Lady Gaga: [ excited ] Al-Phonse![ ding! ]
Justin Timberlake: How — how could you remember him?
Lady Gaga: He said he loves my music. You don’t forget something like that![ Timberlake appears stung ]
Lady Gaga: Alphonse. The woman next to you in the Jazzy — that was your sister, Marie, right?
Alphonse: Yeah, yeah! You know, her knees are lousy.
Lady Gaga: Well, you go see MY guy at Lennox Hill! He’s the BEST! And you have him send me the bill.
Alphonse: I pray for you in church!
Lady Gaga: And I for you.
Justin Timberlake: This show’s awful…
Vince Blight: I think you’re awful!
Justin Timberlake: Look, man… I’m just trying to raise some money for my charity, The Hope Foundation.
Vince Blight: [ sarcastically ] Ah, the Hope Foundation! What do they do?
Justin Timberlake: Well, you know… they, uh… uh… they, uh… they.. they raise hope. Uh… they raise hope —[ buzz! ]
Lady Gaga: If I may, Vince: They promote musical education.
Vince Blight: Thanks, Gaga! And, uh, who are you playing for?
Lady Gaga: I am playing for the People of Japan, of course.
Vince Blight: Of course! Playing for any other cause would be a slap in their face! [ Timberlake is visibly annoyed ] So, Justin — you ready to forget the next name?
Justin Timberlake: [ irked ] Okay! Alright! I just want to say that I meet a lot of people every day, and I love ALL of my fans, okay? But when you only spend two minutes with someone in passing, it’s hard to remember their names!
Vince Blight: That’s fair. Okay, no worry, J.T. Next clue shouldn’t be hard. Bring him out1[ Chris Kirkpatrick, formerly of N*Sync steps out ]
Chris Kirkpatrick: I was in N*Sync with you! But I’m NOT Lance Bass, you, or Jowy Fatone! What’s my name?[ Timberlake is dumbstruck, as Lady Gaga covers her mouth ]
Vince Blight: If you can tell me even part of his name… I’ll give every charity on Earth TEN MILLION DOLLARS!
Lady Gaga: [ still covering her mouth ] Oh, I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it…
Vince Blight: I KNOW you know it, Gaga! You know it! But it’s J.T.’s turn.
Chris Kirkpatrick: Come on, man! What’s my name, J.T.!
Justin Timberlake: [ shaking his head ] Uh… I think it’s like, uh… I know this. Uh… Chu-, Choy-. Char-… Charney! Chartie!
Vince Blight: [ amused ] You think his name is “Chartie”? We don’t need a buzzer to know that that’s wrong! But let’s hear one, anyway![ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: Audience! What’s That Name!
Lady Gaga: CHRIS KIRKPATRICK!!
Audience: CHRIS KIRKPATRICK!!
Justin Timberlake: I — I — I knew that! I knew that! I knew that!
Vince Blight: Yeah, okay — what’s his name? Real quick! We just said it!
Justin Timberlake: [ stumbling ] Kirk — Kirk — Kirk Charlie![ buzz! ]
Vince Blight: You are awful! You’re awful! And that’s our show. I’d like to thank the two of you for playing!
Lady Gaga: And I… would like to thank the crew. The entire crew! Eddie… Mike C… Donna. And everyone in the audience: Matt…[ fade ]