SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 09/24/11: Red Flag Parfum

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 1

11a: Alec Baldwin / Radiohead

Red Flag Parfum

Woman…..Kristen Wiig
Men…..Andy Samberg, Taran Killam, Jason Sudeikis

[ open on attractive woman sauntering into a party atmosphere ]

Announcer: She can stop every conversation… just by entering the room.

[ all the men in the room turn their heads ]

Announcer: She can change your night… with a single look.

[ she stares one man down and makes her approach ]

Announcer: And if you ask her what she does… she’ll tell you.

[ she leans into the man’s ear and whispers: ]

Announcer: “I’m a dancer!”

Female Voiceover: Red… Flag…

Announcer: She’s gorgeous… wealthy… a free spirit… and her ex-boyfriend was a club promoter.

Female Voiceover: Red… Flag…

Announcer: She knows exactly where to go… exactly what to do… and all her friends are dudes.

Female Voiceover: Red… Flag…

[ the woman sips champagne, then hands the glass over to another man ]

Announcer: She’s exquisite… but she also lived in Vegas for eleven years.

[ the man sips the champagne, then spits it back into the glass and steps away ]

Female Voiceover: Red… Flag…

[ she attempts to make another man laugh by playing Peek-a-boo with the bottom of her dress ]

Announcer: She’s funny… but not funny like “Ha ha!”… funny like “Yikes!”

[ she sticks her funger in the man’s mouth, and he quickly gags it out ]

Female Voiceover: Red… Flag…

Announcer: And her pinky nail is waaay longer than her other nails.

[ she uses her pinky nail to scratch above her lip ]

Female Voiceover: That’s a major Red Flag.

[ the woman dances wildly with an uncorked bottle of champagne, as the men look on in disgust ]

Announcer: Red Flag Parfum, by Chanel. The only perfume that warns men:

[ she turns to leave the party ]

Woman: I’m fucking crazy!

[ she runs from the party ]

Announcer: Red Flag.

[ fade ]

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