SNL Transcripts: Melissa McCarthy: 10/01/11: Lil Poundcake


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 2

11b: Melissa McCarthy / Lady Antebellum

Lil Poundcake

Mom…..Vanessa Bayer
Mother #2…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on little girl playing with Lil Poundcake doll, as her Mom enters ]

Mom: Heyyy! Who’s your friend?

Little Girl: [ holding up her doll ] It’s Lil Poundcake!

[ cut to rapid-fire footage of little girls playing with Lil Poundcake — lying in bed, selling lemonade, running ]

“She talks amazing
She’s my very best friend!
Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

Announcer: It’s Lil Poundcake, the sweetest doll on the block!

[ cut to little girl ]

Little Girl: She smells like frosting!

[ cut to second little girl ]

Little Girl #2: I can wear her earrings!

[ cut to third little girl ]

Little Girl #3: She loves to dance!

“She has a purse
and hair that grows!
She’ll keep you safefrom HPV!”

[ Little Girl stops scooping sugar ]

Little Girl: H P what?!?

[ other little girls lean in ]

Little Girls: V!! [ they laugh ] [ SUPER: “Human Papilloma Virus!!!” ] [ cut to little girls having tea party ]

Little Girl: Would you like some more tea?

[ a surgical needle protrudes from Lil Poundcake’s arm and administers a shot ]

Little Girl: Awesome! She got me!

[ the other little girls laugh ] [ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake is the first doll approved to administer the Human Papilloma Virus vaccination to girls under 10!

[ cut to shots of girls playing with Lil Poundcake ]

“Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

[ cut to close-up of Lil Poundcake’s hand squirting the vaccination from a needle ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake protects against HPV, with a series of three injections over a period of six months! AND… she’s got her pwn PHONE!

[ cut to little girl playing with Lil Poundcake ]

Little Girl: Look — she’s texting!

[ Lil Poundcake’s other arm points a needle at the ltitle girl ]

Little Girl: Hey! Lil Poundcake! [ she laughs ] [ cut to Lil Poundcake coming to life as another little girl sleeps ]

“Side effects include
Fever and Nausea!
Do not use
if you’re already pregnant!”

[ cut to little girls running around with their Lil Poundcake dolls ]

Announcer: Once you’re done playing with Lil Poundcake and you’ve gotten all your shots, remember to dispose of her in the Lil Poundcake bin at your local hospital!

[ little girl drops her lil Poundcake in the biohazard bin filled with other Lil Poundcake dolls ] [ the doll looks up at the Mother ]

“Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

[ Mother quickly closes the biohazard bin ] [ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake. The only thing you’re gonna get infected with… is FUN!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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