SNL Transcripts: Melissa McCarthy: 10/01/11: Lil Poundcake

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 2

11b: Melissa McCarthy / Lady Antebellum

Lil Poundcake

Mom…..Vanessa Bayer
Mother #2…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on little girl playing with Lil Poundcake doll, as her Mom enters ]

Mom: Heyyy! Who’s your friend?

Little Girl: [ holding up her doll ] It’s Lil Poundcake!

[ cut to rapid-fire footage of little girls playing with Lil Poundcake — lying in bed, selling lemonade, running ]

“She talks amazing
She’s my very best friend!
Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

Announcer: It’s Lil Poundcake, the sweetest doll on the block!

[ cut to little girl ]

Little Girl: She smells like frosting!

[ cut to second little girl ]

Little Girl #2: I can wear her earrings!

[ cut to third little girl ]

Little Girl #3: She loves to dance!

“She has a purse
and hair that grows!
She’ll keep you safefrom HPV!”

[ Little Girl stops scooping sugar ]

Little Girl: H P what?!?

[ other little girls lean in ]

Little Girls: V!! [ they laugh ] [ SUPER: “Human Papilloma Virus!!!” ] [ cut to little girls having tea party ]

Little Girl: Would you like some more tea?

[ a surgical needle protrudes from Lil Poundcake’s arm and administers a shot ]

Little Girl: Awesome! She got me!

[ the other little girls laugh ] [ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake is the first doll approved to administer the Human Papilloma Virus vaccination to girls under 10!

[ cut to shots of girls playing with Lil Poundcake ]

“Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

[ cut to close-up of Lil Poundcake’s hand squirting the vaccination from a needle ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake protects against HPV, with a series of three injections over a period of six months! AND… she’s got her pwn PHONE!

[ cut to little girl playing with Lil Poundcake ]

Little Girl: Look — she’s texting!

[ Lil Poundcake’s other arm points a needle at the ltitle girl ]

Little Girl: Hey! Lil Poundcake! [ she laughs ] [ cut to Lil Poundcake coming to life as another little girl sleeps ]

“Side effects include
Fever and Nausea!
Do not use
if you’re already pregnant!”

[ cut to little girls running around with their Lil Poundcake dolls ]

Announcer: Once you’re done playing with Lil Poundcake and you’ve gotten all your shots, remember to dispose of her in the Lil Poundcake bin at your local hospital!

[ little girl drops her lil Poundcake in the biohazard bin filled with other Lil Poundcake dolls ] [ the doll looks up at the Mother ]

“Lil Poundcake!
Lil Poundcake!”

[ Mother quickly closes the biohazard bin ] [ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Lil Poundcake. The only thing you’re gonna get infected with… is FUN!

[ fade ]

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