Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 2
Mother #2…..Kristen Wiig
[ open on little girl playing with Lil Poundcake doll, as her Mom enters ]
Mom: Heyyy! Who’s your friend?
Little Girl: [ holding up her doll ] It’s Lil Poundcake![ cut to rapid-fire footage of little girls playing with Lil Poundcake — lying in bed, selling lemonade, running ]
“She talks amazing
She’s my very best friend!
Announcer: It’s Lil Poundcake, the sweetest doll on the block![ cut to little girl ]
Little Girl: She smells like frosting![ cut to second little girl ]
Little Girl #2: I can wear her earrings![ cut to third little girl ]
Little Girl #3: She loves to dance!
“She has a purse
and hair that grows!
She’ll keep you safefrom HPV!”
Little Girl: H P what?!?
Little Girls: V!! [ they laugh ] [ SUPER: “Human Papilloma Virus!!!” ] [ cut to little girls having tea party ]
Little Girl: Would you like some more tea?[ a surgical needle protrudes from Lil Poundcake’s arm and administers a shot ]
Little Girl: Awesome! She got me![ the other little girls laugh ] [ cut to product slide ]
Announcer: Lil Poundcake is the first doll approved to administer the Human Papilloma Virus vaccination to girls under 10![ cut to shots of girls playing with Lil Poundcake ]
Announcer: Lil Poundcake protects against HPV, with a series of three injections over a period of six months! AND… she’s got her pwn PHONE![ cut to little girl playing with Lil Poundcake ]
Little Girl: Look — she’s texting!
Little Girl: Hey! Lil Poundcake! [ she laughs ] [ cut to Lil Poundcake coming to life as another little girl sleeps ]
“Side effects include
Fever and Nausea!
Do not use
if you’re already pregnant!”
Announcer: Once you’re done playing with Lil Poundcake and you’ve gotten all your shots, remember to dispose of her in the Lil Poundcake bin at your local hospital![ little girl drops her lil Poundcake in the biohazard bin filled with other Lil Poundcake dolls ] [ the doll looks up at the Mother ]
Announcer: Lil Poundcake. The only thing you’re gonna get infected with… is FUN![ fade ]