SNL Transcripts: Melissa McCarthy: 10/01/11: Rock’s Way


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 2

11b: Melissa McCarthy / Lady Antebellum

Rock’s Way

Juliet…..Nasim Pedrad
Chris Rock…..Jay Pharoah
Audience Member #1…..Kenan Thompson
Captain…..Bobby Moynihan
Audience Member #2…..Vanessa Bayer
Audience Member #3…..Taran Killam
Annie…..Abby Elliott

[ open on nighttime Broadway exteriors ]

Announcer: Fresh from his triumph on Broadway, in “The Motherf**ker With The Hat”, actor Chris Rock now has his own show!

[ cut to title card ]

Announcer: “Rock’s Way”! See Chris Rock in ALL your favorite theater classics, like… “Romeo & Juliet”!

[ cut to performance of “Romeo & Juliet” ]

Juliet: Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Chris Rock: [ at ground level ] I’m right here!

Juliet: Wherefore art thou?

Chris Rock: I’m DOWN HERE!!

Juliet: Where art thou?

Chris Rock: Okay! Okay, okay! Cut this! [ he whips out his microphone ] Oh, we just gonna have to be FRIENDS! I can’t be messin’ with a bitch that can’t HEAR! [ Juliet nods ] And what have we gotta run from the folks for? I ain’t turnin’ over to WAKE you! You better be able to hear DOG WHISTLES, ’cause that’s the only warning you gonna GET!!

[ cut to testimonial from Audience Member #1 ]

Audience Member #1: Man, I LOVE Shakespeare! It was HILARIOUS, son! It’s the only Shakespeare I been to where I stood up the whole time! [ he laughs ] You know what I’m talkin’ about!

Announcer: It’s ALL your Broadway favorites — Rockified! Watch as Chris takes on… “Oliver!”

[ cut to performance of “Oliver!” ]

Chris Rock: [ holding out bowl ] Please, sir! May I have some more?

Captain: Whaaaaat?

Chris Rock: I said, “Please, sir! Could I have some more –” [ he faces the audience ] Riiiiibs! [ he ehips out his microphone ] Come on, man! What do you have in that pot, anyway? Look at you over there, lookin’ like Captain Crunch!

[ cut to testimonial from Audience Member #2 ]

Audience Member #2: There were thirty other cast members onstage, but none of them really spoke. At one point, they just sat down on the stage and started laughing. I don’t know what happened — I started laughing, too! [ she cackles with glee ] [ cut to testimonial from Audience Member #3 ]

Audience Member #3: It was… Black-tacular! [ he grins playfully ]

Announcer: It’s just like one of those HBO specials, but with people in costumes! Watch as Rock takes on… “Annie”!

[ cut to performance of “Annie” ]

Annie: It’s a hard knock life.

[ Chris Rock runs onstage, microphone in hand ]

Chris Rock: “Hard knock lie”?! What you know about the hard knock life? Tell you one thing, though — she got some Daddy issues! Gotta keep off the pole!

Announcer: So come and get “Rocked”! Get rolled and see… “Rock’s Way”!

[ cut to performance of “Oliver!” ]

Chris Rock: You know how a BAD idea can seem like a GOOD idea at the time? Like CRACK COCAINE!

[ the orphans laugh ]

Announcer: Premiering this month!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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