SNL Transcripts: Ben Stiller: 10/08/11

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 3


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October 8th, 2011

Ben Stiller

Foster The People

None

Hugh Jackman

Kenny G

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Mitt Romney Press ConferenceSummary: Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) desperately tries to keep the press interested in his bid for the Republican nomination, but they’re saddened by the news that Chrie Christie (Bobby Moynihan) has decided not to run.

Recurring Characters: Mitt Romney.

Transcript

Montage

Ben Stiller’s MonologueSummary: Famished from not eating al day because of Yom Kippur, Ben Stiller is treated to a delightful array of Jewish foods by the Jewish Willy Wonka (Andy Samberg).

Lincoln Financial GroupSummary: Financial investor (Jason Sudeikis) meets up with his future self and agrees to a make-out session.

Fox & FriendsSummary: Fox’s morning pundits Steve Doocy (Taran Killam), Gretchen Carlson (Vanessa Bayer) and Brian Kilmeade (Bobby Moynihan) make random political statements and follow up on their earlier interview with a rowdy Hank Williams, Jr. (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, Hank Williams, Jr., Lou.

Transcript

Lincoln Financial Group IISummary: Financial investor (Bill Hader) meets up with his future self and is grossed out by the prospect of a make-out session prior to his own suicide.

The Best of Both WorldsSummary: Hugh Jackman (Andy Samberg) interviews more fellow actors who have tackled film roles that reveal two different sides of their personas.

Recurring Characters: Hugh Jackman, Nancy Grace, Clint Eastwood, Richie.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: “V-Neck”.

Hank Williams, Jr.Summary: Hank Williams, Jr. (Jason Sudeikis) sings “All My Rowdy Friends” variant with the SNL Band as the show segues to a commercial.

Recurring Characters: Hank Williams, Jr.

Transcript

Foster the People performs “Pumped Up Kicks”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Put on the spot to explain her craft, party planner Nan Washingtom (Kristen Wiig) can only think of pancake-themed party ideas. Stefon (Bill Hader) outlines more inappropriate New York City clubs and introduces male model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller).

Recurring Characters: Stefon.

Sexy ShanaSummary: At Halloween party, office workers (Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam) are enamored by Shana (Kristen Wiig) until she goes overboard with her sexy-gross party enjoyment techniques.

Recurring Characters: Shana.

Lincoln Financial Group IIISummary: Financial investor (Ben Stiller) meets up with his future transgendered self and agrees to a make-out session.

Columbus Day AssblastSummary: DJ Super Soak (Jason Sudeikis) and Lil Blaster (Nasim Pedrad) promote the under-underground Columbus Day rock festival that features a low-key performance by spiritual advisor Eckhart Tolle (Ben Stiller).

Recurring Characters: DJ Super Soak, Lil Blaster, Ass Dan, MC George Castanza.

Transcript

Bruce Springsteen: Just the StoriesSummary: A video collection of Bruce Springsteen (Ben Stiller) telling the mundane stories behind his songs.

Recurring Characters: Bruce Springsteen.

Transcript

Foster the People with Kenny G performs “Houdini”

TinyballsSummary: In a new movie trailer, a baseball coach (Taran Killam) improves the performance of his team by agreeing to let a dealer (Ben Stiller) inject them with steroids.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Scared StraightSummary: Hardcore inmates Lorenzo McIntosh (Kenan Thompson) and fellow criminal (Ben Stiller) try to scare a trio of young punks (Bobby Moynihan, Andy Samberg, Bill Hader) straight.

Recurring Characters: Lorenzo McIntosh, Officer Sikorsky.

P90XSummary: An extreme home fitness demonstration.

Gaddaffi’s HideoutSummary: Muammer Gaddafi (Fred Armisen) hides in his cave and plays music.

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