SNL Transcripts: Emma Stone: 11/12/11

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 6


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

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November 12th, 2011

Emma Stone

Coldplay

None

Andrew Garfield

None

The Republican Presidential DebateSummary: The other Republican presidential nominees take a back seat when Rick Perry (Bill Hader) wastes time trying to remember which three government agencies he’d like to cut.

Recurring Characters: Jon Huntsman, Michelle Bachman, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry.

Transcript

Montage

Emma Stone’s MonologueSummary: Because Emma Stone is co-starring in the new “Spider-man” movie, Andy Samberg hangs upside-down in a Spider-man costume as a mock repeat of Kirsten Dunst’s monologue from 2002, and is disappointed to learn that the new Spider-man is British actor Andrew Garfield.

Transcript

Secret WordSummary: Emcee Lyle Round (Bill Hader) is frustrated when celebrity panelists Mindy Grayson (Kristen Wiig) and pageant winner Charlene Stumphries (Emma Stone) are unable to grasp the concept of the game without sacrificing their huge egos.

Recurring Characters: Lyle Round, Mindy Grayson.

WXPD NewsSummary: Elderly reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) teeters through a live remote at the scene of an apartment safety dispute.

Recurring Characters: Herb Welch, Wanda Ramirez, Jack Rizzoli.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: “Wish It Would Rain”

Coldplay performs “Paradise”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: The Devil (Jason Sudeikis) is outraged when he learns that the situation at Penn State with Jerry Sandusky is more than a simple recruiting scandal. Garth (Fred Armisen) & Kat (Kristen Wiig) and their full-time back-up singer (Chris Martin) promote their new Thanksgiving-themed album.

Recurring Characters: The Devil, Garth & Kat.

Les Jeunes de ParisSummary: Juliette (Emma Stone) is off to see the world, but Francois (Taran Killam) initiates a cafe dance-off in order to keep her in France long enough to get her to marry him.

Recurring Characters: Francois, Juliette, Marius, Stewart.

Transcript

Bridal Shower GiftsSummary: Socially-inept Wallis (Emma Stone) desperately tries to fit in at her co-worker’s (Kristen wiig) bridal shower, but keeps making a mess of things by giving overly inappropriate gifts.

Transcript

Coldplay performs “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall”

Sad SongSummary: After losing a business account, Karen (Nasim Pedrad) wraps herself around Adele’s “Someone Like You” and enjoys a good cry, which quickly forms a chain reaction among her co-workers.

Transcript

We’re Going To Make Technology HumpSummary: Tech geeks Colleen (Emma Stone) and Jacob (Andy Samberg) present videos of digital goods humping one another.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Paterno Press ConferenceSummary: Former Penn State coach Joe Paterno (Jason Sudeikis) holds a press conference to discuss his recent firing.

Headz UpSummary: The text-based app that clues people to their surroundings and keeps them out of danger while their eyes are glued to their tech devices.

Note: This ad parody will eventually air on the episode hosted by Daniel Radcliffe.

The Herman Cain ShowSummary: Herman Cain (Kenan Thompson) hosts a talk show where his guests are only allowed to talk about him.

Recurring Characters: Herman Cain.

Homecoming

Frozen Mexican DinnerSummary: When a musician (Paul Brittain) admits to being constipated, fellow band member (Fred Armisen) offers him a solution with a single dose of a frozen Mexican dinner.

Note: This ad parody will later air on the episode hosted by Steve Buscemi.

FarewellSummary: Silvio Berluscani (Jason Sudeikis) bids his farewell in song after resigning as Italy’s prime minister.

Silent FilmSummary: Nefarious villain (Jason Sudeikis) ties a damsel (Emma Stone) to the train tracks, but circumstances prevent him from seeing his evil deed through.

SNL Transcripts