Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 6
Les Jeunes de Paris
Francois…..Taran Killam
Juliette…..Emma Stone
Marius…..Paul Brittain
Stewart…..Bobby Moynihan
French Girls…..Abby Elliott, Nasim Pedrad
Napoleon…..Fred Armisen
The Hunchback of Notre Dame…..Andy Samberg
[Open on France3 graphic.]
Announcer: Vous regardez France3, la televison supercool. [You are watching France 3 supercool television.]
[Cut to opening credits: Metro station, skaters, the Eiffel Tower, etc.]
[Dissolve to Parisian bistro, as Francois and Juliette are sitting at a table.]
Francois: Non, non, Juliette! S’il vous plait! [No, no, Juliette! Please!]
Juliette: Je suis desolé, Francois. Ce n’est pas vous, il est moi. [I’m sorry, Francois. It’s not you, it’s me.]
Francois: Mais pourqoi? Mais pourqoi, Juliette? [But why? But why, Juliette?]
[Juliette stands and takes her suitcase.]
Juliette: Je veux voir le monde. [I want to see the world.]
[She waves goodbye to Marius.]
Juliette: Au revoir, Marius.
Everybody: Bon voyage!
[She starts to leave as Francois jumps up.]
Francois: Non! [No!]
[Juliette stops.]
Francois: Marius. A cause de garcons.
[Marius thumps the jukebox, which begins to play A cause de garcons by Yelle.]
[Francois strikes a few dance poses and moves toward Juliette, who walks toward him, intrigued. She crosses her arms and tries to look uninterested as he dances around her. After a few moments she gives in and follows his moves, mirroring his dancing.]
[The chorus begins and everybody in the room begins to dance wildly.]
[Francois grabs a chair and places it in front of the exit. He seductively rubs himself against it, shaking his ass at Juliette, before sitting down on it, guarding the door.]
[Juliette and another girl pull him off the chair and across the room. Juliette starts walking towards the door, but Francois grabs her sweater and pulls it off her.]
[Startled, she throws her hands in the air, exposing her hairy, hairy armpits.]
[Francois puts her sweater around her shoulders and goes on to put a chain and a lock around the door handles. With ostentation, he brushes dust off his hands.]
[Determined, Juliette prouces a baguette and starts smashing the chain apart with it.]
[The door opens and Francois, suddenly outside of the bistro, jumps in and dances in front of Juliette.]
[Everybody resumes to dance wildly, as Francois takes Juliette’s suitcase and throws it on top of the jukebox, out of her reach.]
Juliette: Non!
[He becons her to come to him, but she is happily rubbing herself against Napoleon, who is standing still with one hand in his coat.]
[Not to be outdone, Francois grabs a red balloon that has floated from above and starts dancing with it before passionately running his tongue over it.]
[The balloon explodes.]
[Francois turns and gets down on one knee in front of Juliette, placing a ring on her finger. The other people in the bistro come and put Juliette in a wedding gown and a bow tie on Francois.]
[Napoleon weds the bridal couple. They kiss.]
[Juliette gives birth to an infant that crawls out from in beetween her legs.]
[Everybody resumed to wild dancing, as bicyclists from the Tour De France race through the scene.]
[Red, white and blue balloons suddenly fall over the group as Francois grabs Juliette, spins her around and holds her in a pose, as everyone in the room freezes.]
[The hunchback jumps into frame.]
The Hunchback: Sanctuary!
[Cut to title card.]
[Fade.]
Submitted by: Bon
