SNL Transcripts: Emma Stone: 11/12/11: Sad Song


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 6

11f: Emma Stone / Coldplay

Sad Song

Karen…..Nasim Pedrad
Emma…..Emma Stone
Kristen…..Kristen Wiig
Bill….Bill Hader
Andy…..Andy Samberg
Kenan…..Kenan Thompson
Janitor…..Fred Armisen
Window Washer…..Bobby Moynihan

[ open on exterior, office building, night ] [ dissolve to interior, office ]

Emma: Hey, Karen… I’m sorry you didn’t land that account. You okay?

Karen: Oh, that’s fine — I’m totally fine!

Emma: Oh. We all know how bad you wanted it. Why don’t you take your mind off of it, and join us for Happy hour?

Kristen: Yeah! TGIFriday’s has 100 wings for only 20 cents until 7 pm!

[ the others encourage Karen to join them ]

Karen: No, I’m okay! I’ll be right behind you. I just… have to… do a couple things.

Emma: Okay. And don’t worry — you’re gonna get it NEXT time.

Karen: Thanks! Bye! [ the others exit the office ] And… play.

[ Karen plays Adele’s “Someone Like You”, and begins to weep vividly and mouth the words ] [ she quickly turns the CD off and scatters things around her desk as Emma re-enters the office ]

Karen: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! This desk is, like, crazy — oh, my God, I have too many pencils! So many of them!

Emma: Karen… Karen. Stop! I know you were listening to Adele’s “Someone Like You” and crying.

Karen: Okay.

Emma: And you know what? Last night, I watched the series finale of “Friday Night Lights” and it really messed me up, so…

Karen: Say no more.

[ Karen turns the song back on, as she and Emma both begin to cry and pig into pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream ] [ suddenly, Kristen re-enters the office ]

Kristen: Is everyone coming?

[ Karen quickly turns the song off, as she and Emma pretend to be in the middle of an order ]

Karen: Yes! [ she grabs the telephone ] THank you for your business! We will get RIGHT on that! OKay, bye bye!

Emma: Byyyyyye!

Kristen: Ladies, I’m no dummy. You both needed a good cry, so you were listening to Adele’s “Someone Like You”.

Karen: [ with ice cream dripping down her face ] Do you do it, too?

Kristen: Everyone with a heart and an iTunes account does. So I know it… I get it… and I want in.

Emma: [ suspicious ] Why? What’s going on with you?

Kristen: All week, my, uh… my parakeets have been fighting. I feel I’m caught in the middle of it. So… so, hit me.

Karen & Emma: Okay.

[ Karen turns the song back on, as all three women begin to cry in their own unique manner — including Emma taking a digital photo of herself, and Kristen reaching out for her parakeets ] [ suddenly, the male co-workers re-enter the office ]

Andy: Laaaadies!

Kenan: Where are you at?!

[ Karen quickly turns the song off, as the ladies try to cover their behavior ]

Karen: We’re not doing ANYTHING, okay?!

Emma: We were doing NOTHING! We were doing NOTHING!

Karen: Yep!

Kristen: I was thinking about my birds and crying to Adele’s “Someone Like You”.

Andy: What?

Kenan: what?!

Karen: What are you guys doing back here?

Bill: That Happy Hour wings special ended at 6:30. [ he tries to maintain his composure ] Oh, God…

The Men: Press Play…

[ Karen turns the song on again, as the male co-workers begin to weep vividly, including Bill with mascara running down his cheeks ] [ then, the Janitor enters the room mopping, and he too begins to weep with his lower lip quivering ] [ outside, a Window Washer is busy washing the window, then drops his squeegee and places his hand on the glass and begins to cry along with everyone else ] [ from within the halls of Studio 8H, the members of Coldplay watch the sketch on a monitor and cry along with the characters ] [ back within the sketch, all of the co-workers and other participants lock arms in a line and sing along ] [ at last, Karen turns the song off one last time ]

Karen: Guys… let’s go get some FULL-PRICED wings!

Everyone: YEAH!!!

[ they all rush out of the office ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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