Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 10
[ open on Jimmy Fallon sitting at his dressing room mirror ]
Jenna: [ peeking in ] Hey, Jimmy? We need you in five minutes.
Jimmy Fallon: Thanks, Jenna. [ he looks into his mirror ] Wow… here we are. You’re hosting “SNL”, just like you’ve always dreamed of. The show’s going great! The crowd’s hot, the monologue was fun, the “Today Show” sketch was good, the Bublé thing worked — at least, I think so.
Reflection: Are you kidding me, my man? It’s going FANTASTIC! You’re doing so GREAT!
Jimmy Fallon: [ relieved ] Thanks! I needed to hear that! I’m just worried about the rest of the show now. What else am I gonna do?
Reflection: Aw, don’t even sweat that, my man! You just hit ’em with some old standbys, right?
Jimmy Fallon: Like what?
Reflection: Oh, you know! Do the hair muss!
Jimmy Fallon: [ confused ] What?!
Reflection: You know — the MUSS! You know, muss it up, man! [ he musses up his hair ]
Jimmy Fallon: Like this? [ he musses up his hair ]
Reflection: Yeah! There you go! Muss it up! Muss it!
Jimmy Fallon: No, no, that’s not right! That’s the old me! I’m a suit guy now, you know? I host a talk show!
Reflection: Oh, okay. Okay, Mr. Host! So just bring out a guest, you know, tell them you’re a huge fan.
Jimmy Fallon: Like who?
Reflection: I don’t know — like Bruce Springsteen.
Jimmy Fallon: [ excited ] Oh, my gosh! I’m a hug fan!
Reflection: Yeah! Or Steven Seagal.
Jimmy Fallon: Oh, yeah! I’m a huge fan! And he’s got the best ponytail — so SICK!
Reflection: Oh, sick! So sick!
Jimmy Fallon: So sick! His ponytail’s sick!
Reflection: Yeah! I don’t know, how about a loaf of bread?
Jimmy Fallon: Oh, my God! I’m a huge fan of bread! Are you kidding me? For a meal?
Reflection: I know! All those carbs! It’s the BEST! It’s so bready!
Jimmy Fallon: It’s so bready!
Reflection: I know! Or, hey — I know what you should do! You should bust out yuor guitar and do a song, you know? Like “Tears In Heaven”.
Jimmy Fallon: I don’t know… that song’s pretty sad.
Reflection: [ excited ] I know! It’s so SAD, right!
Jimmy Fallon: [ excited ] Yeah! So sad! It’s like the SADDEST! Hey — why don’t we just do some of our impressions? People like that.
Reflection: Oh, yeah, yeah! That’s a great idea! Okay, what are we gonna do?
Jimmy Fallon: I don’t know… Uh — how about Seinfeld? [ as Seinfeld ] “What’s the deal with Gogurt? Where’s yogurt gotta go all of a sudden?! Come on!”
Reflection: Okay. No, no, no — okay. [ as a bad Seinfeld ] “Uh — uh — what’s the deal with Go-gurt…?” No, no, don’t do that one! No, do a different one!
Jimmy Fallon: You don’t like to do that one?
Reflection: No, no… Hey, hey, I know! How about we hit ’em with some Gibb, right? [ as Barry Gibb ] “Yea-yeah!”
Together: “Yeahhh! Yeahh! Yeah! Yeah!”
Jimmy Fallon: Oh, wait… [ he stands ] Don’t spoil it, though. I think we’re gonna do that… later. [ he sips a glass of water, as the audience screams with anticipated excitement ]
Reflection: Oh, wait — no, no, no, no, no! Didn’t you hear? We’re not doing it, ’cause Timberlake couldn’t make it.[ Jimmy spits his water into his reflection’s face ]
Together: NOOO!! WHY?!! WHY, GOD, WHYYY??!! [ they lean their heads close and sob ] WHY?!! WHY?!! WHY?!! WHY?!! [ a beat ] WHY?!!
Jimmy Fallon: Hey, you know what? Maybe he had a good reason.
Reflection: Yeah, you know, he’s probably doing crunches or something. I freaking love that guy!
Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, he’s the best. I’m a huge fan.
Reflection: Oh, my God, are you kidding me? I think about him 24/7.
Jimmy Fallon: [ confused ] Huh?
Reflection: [ defensively ] What?! What did you say?
Jimmy Fallon: Well… I guess I’d better get back.
Reflection: Alright. Look — you’re doing GREAT, my man, okay? Just keep being yourself, and hey — Merry Christmas, Jimmy!
Jimmy Fallon: Yeah. Happy Haunkkah, Jimmy.
Together: KERMIT THE FROG!! GO!! [ singing as Kermit ] “Someday, we’ll find it / The Rainbow Connection / The lovers, the dreamers, and meeee! / La la la lee, la la lu! La la la la dee da da dooooo!”[ Jimmy and his reflection shake hands, call each other the best, then hug as the scene fades ]