SNL Transcripts: Jimmy Fallon: 12/17/11: Michael Bublé Christmas Duets

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 10

11j: Jimmy Fallon / Michael Bublé

Michael Bublé Christmas Duets

…..Michael Bublé
Sting…..Jimmy Fallon
Taylor Swift…..Kristen Wiig
Justin Bieber…..Jimmy Fallon
M.I.A…..Nasim Pedrad
Russell Brand…..Jimmy Fallon
Ke$ha…..Abby Elliott
Scott McCreery…..Taran Killam
Thom Yorke…..Fred Armisen
Kanye West…..Jay Pharoah

[fade in on Michael Bublé in a decorated studio]

Michael Bublé: [singing] O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant…

Announcer: It’s official, Michael Bublé’s Christmas is the number one album in America! And now, Bublé is back with a brand-new collection of Christmas duets. With legendary performers like Sting…

[Sting appears next to Bublé with bleached hair, skintight black clothes and a guitar]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly…

Sting: [singing to the tune of “Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” I think] Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la-la.

Michael Bublé: [singing] ‘Tis the season to be jolly…

Sting: [singing to the tune of “Desert Rose”] Fa-la-la-la-la-la-flo, fa-la-flo-fla-la-fo! [Bublé looks confused]

Announcer: And Taylor Swift! [Taylor appears with an acoustic guitar]

Michael Bublé: [singing] I saw three ships come sailing in on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day…

[Taylor just makes a series of shocked, excited faces]

Announcer: Plus, Justin Bieber! [Bieber appears in a purple hoodie]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

[Bieber is too busy pop-locking and doing heart hands to sing his part]

Michael Bublé: It’s your–it’s your line, man.

[Bieber just winks and shimmies around]

Announcer: And the always-controversial M.I.A.! [she appears in an oversized t-shirt]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Up on the rooftop–

M.I.A.: [singing in a Cockney accent] Quick, quick, quick–

Michael Bublé: [singing] Down through the chimney–

[M.I.A. fires a gun three times into the air, scaring the daylights out of Bublé]

Michael Bublé: What the [bleep]?!

Announcer: With a special appearance by Russell Brand! [he appears in a half-unbuttoned black shirt and lots of jewelry]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Angels we have heard on high…

Russell Brand: Now why would an angel want to get high? They wouldn’t need to, would they, they’re already in the clouds; it’s kinda their thing. I once saw a man named Angel get high! [Bublé looks annoyed] We’d all be lucky to meet a man like Angel, if he just pranced through your door–“Hello, I’m Angel. D’you got any drugs?”

Announcer: It’s the collection of holiday duets you’ll treasure forever! [the CD appears] Featuring chart-toppers like Ke$ha! [she appears with long, messy hair and glittery eye makeup]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Eight maids a-milking…

Ke$ha: [singing] Seven dudes a-puking…

Michael Bublé: [singing] Six geese a-laying…

Ke$ha: [singing] I got Hep C… [she blows a kiss and flails her tongue at the camera]

Announcer: And “American Idol” winner Scotty McCreery! [he shakes Bublé’s hand]

Michael Bublé: [singing] O holy night…

Scotty McCreery: [singing in an absurdly low baritone and with strange facial expressions] The stars are brightly shinin’! It is the night of our dear Savior’s birrrrrrth. [Bublé looks alarmed]

Announcer: Featuring Radiohead’s Thom Yorke! [Thom appears with messy hair and beard and dancing wildly]

Michael Bublé: [singing] Silent night…

Thom Yorke: [flailing around and half-whining] Silent…silent…silent…

Michael Bublé: [singing] Holy night…

Thom Yorke: [continues flailing] Holy…holy… [he dances over to Bublé]

Announcer: And Lady Gaga! [a decorated Christmas tree appears with a pink wig and googly eyes]

Michael Bublé: Wait, is this really her?

Announcer: With a special appearance by Kanye West! [Kanye bounces in and pushes Bublé out of the way]

Kanye West: [rapping] Hey little Jesus, you’re just a baby. You had a donkey, I got a Mercedes! [with autotune] Jesus, I’m so much better than you!

Announcer: Michael Bublé’s Christmas Duets! [Bieber reappears and keeps dancing]

Justin Bieber: Yeah! [he winks]

Announcer: In stores now! [Bieber does more heart hands and grabs Bublé’s hand to do a snake motion]

Submitted by: Rose Esposito

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