SNL Transcripts: Jimmy Fallon: 12/17/11: Jimmy Fallon’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 10

11j: Jimmy Fallon / Michael Bublé

Jimmy Fallon’s Monologue

…..Jimmy Fallon
…..Michael Bublé
…..Andy Samberg
…..Lorne Michaels

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Jimmy Fallon!

Jimmy Fallon: Thank you very much! Hey! Thank you so much! Thank you! Yes! I’m so excited! I’m excited to be back and hosting “Saturday Night Live”! Oh, this place means so much to me. All I’ve ever wanted my whole life was to be on this show… and to be hosting is just a dream come true, so thank you so much! [ the audience cheers wildly ] And it’s the CHRISTMAS show! [ he picks up his guitar ] I can’t even begin to tell you what it feels like. It’s just — it feels like coming home.

[ he strums his guitar and sings ]

“It’s Christmas, baby…
It feels so good to be home.”

[ fake snow begins to fall, as he ramps up his performance ]

“Hey!!
Christmas!
The snow is coming down!
Christmas!
I’m watching it fall!
All these people around!
It’s so good to be home!”

[ he walks past the audience into a back hall ]

Jimmy Fallon: Wow! There’s so many memories! Barry Gibb Talk Show… Debbie Downer… Cowbell! I laughed and ruined ALL those sketches! [ the audience laugh ] Moving on.

[ he leans over toward Kenan, Kristen, Bill and Jason going over last-minute cue card changes ]

Jimmy Fallon:
“Hey!!
Christmas!
They’re checking the cue cards!”

[ he steps past Fred Armisen leaning against the opposite wall ]

Jimmy Fallon:
“Christmas!
And Fred’s on the phone!”

[ he squeezes through the hall, past Michael Bublé outside his dressing room ]

Jimmy Fallon:
“Christmas!
Bublé’s doing cocaine!”

Michael Bublé: No, I’m not!

Jimmy Fallon:
“It’s so good to be home!

The spirits have walked these halls.
Gumby Christmas to Schweddy Balls.
Now I’m here to host for you…”

[ Andy Samberg and Vanessa Bayer hop into frame ]

Andy Samberg: “What about a verse for the Jews?”

[ Fallon stops and thinks ]

Jimmy Fallon: Okay!

[ singing ]“Hanukkah!
Eight days of presents!
Hanukkah!
That’s all that I know!”

Andy Samberg: Okay…

[ Fallon turns a corner, as Andy and Vanessa wait a few beats to run back the way they came ]

Jimmy Fallon:
“It’s the holiday season!
I’m so glad to be home!”

[ he stops ]

Jimmy Fallon: Man… can you feel it, the spirit in here? Can you feel the spirit in the house?! [ the audience cheers ] I love this time of year. Yuo get all cozy, and then you just wait for the white-haired gentleman to give you a gift!

[ Lorne Michaels steps out of the shadow from which he wasn’t very well hidden from camera ]

Lorne Michaels: [ handing Fallon a small gift ] Merry Christmas, Jimmy!

Jimmy Fallon: Thank you… thank you, Lorne. [ awkwardly ] I got something for you, too…

Lorne Michaels: [ touched ] Oh!

[ Fallon swipes the gift around his back, then hands it to Lorne with his other hand ]

Jimmy Fallon: Here.

Lorne Michaels: Sweet!

[ Lorne takes his gift and walks away ]

Jimmy Fallon: “1! 2! 3! 4!
Christmas!
If there was a way!
Christmas!
For the friends that I know!
Christmas!
To come back here someday!

Please!
Please!
Please!
Please!

It’s so good to be home!
It’s so good to be home!
It’s so good!
It’s so good!
It’s so good!”

Jimmy Fallon: We’ve got a great show! Michael Bublé is here! This great cast is here! So stick around, we’ll be right back!

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