Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 11
January 7th, 2012
A Message From Rick SantorumSummary:
Recurring Characters: Rick Santorum.
Charles Barkley’s MonologueSummary: Charles Barkley defends his endorsement of Weight Watchers and an Ann Taylor fashion line.
ChantixSummary: A woman (Kristen Wiig) wants to quit smoking, but the side effects of Chantix are worse than her nicotine addiction.
Inside the NBASummary: Ernie Johnson Jr. (Bill Hader) tries to maintain basketball commentary among practical jokers Charles Barkley (Kenan Thompson), Kenny Smith (Jay Pharoah) and Shaquille O’Neal (Charles Barkley).
Recurring Characters: Charles Barkley, Shaquille O’Neal, Ernie Johnson Jr.
White People ProblemsSummary: Charles Barkley investigates the minor dilemmas of white people, as relayed to him through black service workers.
ESPN Bowl MadnessSummary: An announcer (Andy Samberg) promotes upcoming bowl games with zany and unexpected sponsors.
Joanne’s AnnouncementSummary: Joanne (Charles Barkley) breaks it to her friends and boyfriend Chad (Paul Brittain) that she’s a lesbian who must spread her wings and fly.
Charles Barkley Post-Game Translator AppSummary: Turn the app on while watching post-game interviews, and Charles Barkley will translate the athlete/coach mumbo-jumbo into its simplest layman’s terms.
Kelly Clarkson performs “Stronger”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Michele Bachmann (Kristen Wiig) comments on her recent withdrawal for the Republican nomination for president. Political satirist Nicholas Fehn (Fred Armisen) can’t quite make his point while reviewing recent headlines. Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan) attempts to givd his New Year’s resolutions.
Recurring Characters: Michele Bachmann, Nicholas Fehn, Drunk Uncle.
Recurring Characters: Lord Wyndemere, Greg, Stephen, Turlington.
The 17th Annual Adult Video AwardsSummary: Ron Jeremy (Bobby Moynihan) and Crystal Butt (Abby Elliott) present an “In Memorium” montage of porno actors and crew members who died during the past year.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Convoluted Jerry (Andy Samberg) performs contradictory selections from “Convoluted Jerry: The Songs Album”.
Kelly Clarkson performs “Mr. Know It All”
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Irish SingersSummary: Irish Singers (Fred Armisen, Charles Barkley, Bill Hader, Taran Killam, Paul Brittain, Vanessa Bayer) sing stereotypical songs about potatoes.
Neighborhood PartySummary: While attending a neighborhood party, a woman (Nasim Pedrad) tells a tragic tale of woe.