Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 12
Glenda Okones for Mayor
Glenda Okones…..Kristen Wiig
[ open on Glenda Okones standing ]
Glenda Okones: Hey. I’m Glenda Okones. I’m running for Mayor of Glen Falls. Because of the cutthroat nature of this campaign, I am released an attack ad — on myself!
Announcer: Who’s the real Glenda Okones?
Glenda Okones: I’m flawed. They say I’m harsh, I’m cold… the B-word has been thrown around quite a bit.
Glenda Okones: Here’s why: I just have a naturally frowny face. Not ugly, but certainly severe looking.
Announcer: Severe looking.
Glenda Okones: A lot of people say I’m a bad listener. You may be sharing a story from your life, one that’s going to remind me of a better story — from MY life. So I’m just gonna start talking louder than you, and hopefully you’ll give up and stop talking altogether.
I think it’s okay to push people.
Well, there you go — now it’s all out there. If you’re looking for a cute mayor who listens to you, I am not your candidate. But if you’re okay with this: Vote Okones.
Announcer: Glenda Okones for Mayor.
[ fade ]