Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 12
Glenda Okones for Mayor II
Glenda Okones…..Kristen Wiig
[ open on silent clip from previous Glenda Okones ad ]
Announcer: Glenda Okones claims she’s a bad listener with a pointy face. But what isn’t she telling us?[ flash-cuto to Okones ]
Glenda Okones: I’m Glenda Okones, Glen Falls mayoral candidate. I claimed it was “all out there” in my last ad, but I’m calling B.S. on myself!
Glenda Okones: That was not everything. I do have a few more flaws. Some say I’m abrasive. I am always honking. I’m a single mother of two girls — I do love the youngest one more than the oldest. Yeah, yeah — I know as a parent, you’re not supposed to admit that… but for now my youngest is in the lead — by a long shot! Environment? Don’t care about it. If I see a spider, I’m gonna smash the SHIT out of it! If I see a bunny on my lawn, I’m gonna run after that freakin’ thing with a HATCHET! And I won’t have to get the hatchet, ’cause I carry one on me at all times.
Well, now you’ve definitely heard it all. Take it or leave — I am naked in front of you. Not literally, thank heavens, ’cause let’s just say I don’t do any maintenance. Vote Okones.
Announcer: Glenda Okones for Mayor.[ fade ]