Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 12
Glenda Okones for Mayor III
Glenda Okones…..Kristen Wiig
[ open on black-and-white photo of tree stumps ]
Announcer: Glenda Okones admits she hates the environment and her eldest daughter. But what else is she hiding?[ flash-cut to Okones ]
Glenda Okones: Real quick, folks. I’m Glenda Okones again. I did once break into an elderly woman’s home, pulle her from her bed, roughed her up a little bit. [ she holds up her finger ] Before you go to judgment, I want you to know it was my own mother. She has been complaining for about five years: “I’m gonna be attacked, I just know it…!” So I got it done for her! Now she can move on to something else. And I’ll tell you this: I was never her favorite, and I’m an only child. Vote Okones!
Announcer: Glenda Okones for Mayor.