Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 13
11m: Channing Tatum / Bon Iver
Super Bowl Promo
Director…..Bobby Moynihan
Al Michaels…..Jason Sudeikis
Cris Collinsworth…..Bill Hader
Dan Patrick…..Channing Tatum
Tony Dungy…..Jay Pharoah
Rodney Harrison…..Kenan Thompson
[ open on Director standing on set with Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Dan Patrick, Tony Dungy, and Rodney Harrison ]
Director: Alright, looks like we’ve got the whole NBC football crew here — Al, Chris, Dan, Tony, and Rodney. Great to work with you guys.
The Guys: Good to be here! We’re very excited!
Director: Okay, this is just gonna be a QUICK promo that we’re gonna run on the bottom of the screen during NBC shows. You guys just act natural… and when you hear the NBC Football sting, just look up and smile.
The Guys: Alright! We got it! No problem!
Director: Alright! Well, here we go. Let’s just stack it together, guys. [ they all move closer to one another ] Alright. Annnnddd… acting casual, annnnndddd…
[ NBC Football sting pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
The Guys: That felt good! That felt good! Alright! Great!
Director: Okay. Alright. Well, that felt a little stiff. You know what, why don’t we get some conversation going? Uh, we’re not recording sound, so no one will hear what you’re saying… so just tslk about anything!
The Guys: Oh! Alright! Okay! Okay!
Dan Patrick: Man, I know they’re gonna run this promo all day.
Al Michaels: Absolutely!
Dan Patrick: TV… Internet… everywhere.
Tony Dungy: I LOVE the Internet! I saw the FUNNIEST thing on Youtube! It was this talking dog…
Rodney Harrison: Man, I LOVE Youtube! I just look up “How to breastfeed” all day, and I can watch it all day!
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
Guys: Alright! Yeah, there you go!
Director: Pretty good. Pretty good. We’re getting there. Let’s, uh, let’s just try it again!
[ the guys loosen themselves up ]
Al Michaels: Mmm-hmm.
Cris Collinsworth: Uh, good year for Eli Manning, huh?
Al Michaels: Yeah! Nice to have a little brother for once, huh?
Rodney Harrison: My little brother was always catching flak!
Dan Patrick: You know, I’m a younger brother. It’s tough, man.
Al Michaels: Ohhhhh.
Tony Dungy: Hey! My little brother was born with no mouth!
Al Michaels: Mmm — well, that must be hard.
Tony Dungy: Yeah… he doesn’t like to talk about it!
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
Guys: Alright!
Director: Great! That was great. You know what, though? Let’s just play around a little bit, huh? Get loose! Here’s a football! Just throw it around, have some fun!
Al Michaels: Alright! Here we go! Heads up! [ he tooses the football to Dan Patrick ]
Rodney Harrison: Hey, man, I wish I was STILL out there, man!
Cris Collinsworth: The action, the fans…
Dan Patrick: I’ll tell you what I miss — getting slapped on the ass by a 300-pound man.
[ the guys all laugh ]
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
Guys: Alright! Alright! Very good!
Director: Guys… you are NAILING this! Okay? Why don’t we just do a few in a row, just for good measure!
Al Michaels: Alright! Sounds great!
Cris Collinsworth: You know… last week, I found a hair this long growing out of the middle of my forehead!
Al Michaels: Really?
Cris Collinsworth: I pulled on it, and it was like my belly button got deeper!
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
Guys: Nice! Alright! Alright!
Al Michaels: You know, one of my balls never came down! [ the guys groan ] Yeah! It’s still up in my body!
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
[ clapping his hands ] Okay! We’ve got it! That was fantastic! I think we’re done.
[ the guys are somewhat disappointed that the shoot’s over ]
Rodney Harrison: You know what? let’s get some DRINKS up in here! [ he grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels ] Y’all need a glass?
[ Rodney chugs from the bottle, as the screen cuts to snow, then comes up on Brian Williams delivering the evening news ]
Brian Williams: We’re back with a controversial question tonight: Can you be diagnosed with grief? And, more than that, should you be given a pill for it?
[ NBC Football sting finally pots up, as the promo rises from the bottom right corner of the screen, the guys look up stiffly and smirk-grin into the camera as the “NFL On NBC Super Bowl XLVI” logo zooms in ]
[ fade, as Williams continues to deliver the news ]
