SNL Transcripts: Zooey Deschanel: 02/11/12: Clint Eastwood Chrysler Ad II

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 14

11n: Zooey Deschanel / Karmin

Clint Eastwood Chrysler Ad II

Clint Eastwood…..Bill Hader

[ open on footage from Clint Eastwood’s Chrysler ad that ran during the Super Bowl ]

Clint Eastwood V/O: The clock’s winding down, America.

[ cut to Clint Eastwood ]

Clint Eastwood: It’s the Fourth Quarter, and there’s no time outs left! How do I know? [ cut to wide shot of Eastwood ] My pants get higher every quarter! If it’s the Fourth Quarter in America… that means it’s OVERTIME in China! And they got a BILLION people on their team! Plus: They own HALF our stadiums! How’d they get so far ahead? Because they WORK HARD! They’re not all sitting at home stroking it to some commercial! They’re busy making the jazzies you ride around in at DisneyWorld, ’cause you’re too FAT to walk! Well, good news, America. We got something they don’t: Chryslers! And we’re gonna drive them all over their damn field! Hey, Wang Chung! I hope you like eating tire! ‘Cause if a Chysler hits ya’, it’ll kill ya’! And, again — I don’t care WHO’S driving! Though I know it won’t be Gingrich, ’cause his FAT head won’t even fit in the fucking car!

This is an ad for Chrysler, right? Think again! [ he holds up a pizza box ] It’s for Little Caesars! Pizza pizza!

[ cut to Little Caesars Pizza graphic ] [ fade ]

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