SNL Transcripts: Maya Rudolph: 02/18/12: How’s He Doing?

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 15














11o: Maya Rudolph / Sleigh Bells

How’s He Doing?

Host…..Kenan Thompson
Ronny Williams…..Jay Pharoah
Althea Davis…..Maya Rudolph

[ open on talk show panel ]

Host: Welcome to “How’s He Doing?” THe show where the Black voter takes a look at President Obama and asks: “How’s he doing?” Let’s start with a look at how the President is polling. Some good news for the President, as an uptake in the economy has boosted his approval rating to 50% amongst all voters. But some disappointing news, as his approval with black voters is down… all the way to 99.2%. Now, are black voters disillusioned, or just upset because it’s Winter? To hep us answer the question “Should the President be worried about the Black voter?”, we turn to our non-partisan panel. Ronny Williams is a writer for Ebony Magazine…

Ronny Williams: What up!

Host: And Althea Davis a History professor at Howard University.

Althea Davis: [ pumping fist ] Yes, we can!

Host: Alright! Alright! So President Obama, he promised a lot in his campaign, and we have to admit he has not delivered on all of them.

Ronny Williams: That’s true.

Althea Davis: He did, indeed.

Host: Unemployment is high and the income-gap is as large as it’s ever been in our nation’s history.

Althea Davis: Unacceptable!

Ronny Williams: True… true…

Host: So the question is: “Would you consider voting for Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum?”

[ they all laugh uproariously at the thought ]

Ronny Williams: I mean… can you imagine voting for Rick Santorum? The only way someone in a sweater-vest is getting my vote… is if their names are Bell, Biv, or Devo!

Althea Davis: And I do NOT like Mitt Romney. He looks like, at any moment, he might try to hand you a tip.

Host: Which brings us to this week’s “What Would It Take???”, where we ask: “What would it take for Barack Obama to lose your vote?” [ grabs stack of cards and reads ] “Would President Obama lose your vote… if he repealed healthcare?”

Ronny Williams: [ shaking head ] Nope.

Althea Davis: I would just wear a warmer coat.

Host: “Would he lose your vote if he raised taxes on the Middle Class?”

Ronny Williams: We all gotta pitch in!

Althea Davis: I frequently use our public roads AND facilities.

Host: “Would President Obama lose your vote if he was caught cheating on Michelle?”

Ronny Williams: Nope! Ain’t my business!

Althea Davis: It depends on who he’s cheating with.

Host: Jennifer Hudson.

Althea Davis: [ she shrugs ] I’m okay with that.

Host: Jennifer Lopez.

Althea Davis: You can’t blame a man.

Host: Kim Kardashian.

Althea Davis: He ain’t Super Man. He’s just a president.

Host: Oprah!

Althea Davis: I’d get with Oprah.

Host: [ stealthily ] Ke$ha!

Althea Davis: Ke$ha?! No sir! I would be very upset if Barack was with that busted-up white girl! Now… is this just a one-time thing?

Host: No, no, no — he is in love… with Ke$ha.

Althea Davis: [ shaking her head ] Mmm-mmm! I do not like it, but I am okay with it as long as he does’nt move in with her.

Host: He moves in and they have a joint bank account.

Althea Davis: Oooooh, no! No, no, no! [ she shakes her head ]

Host: Does he still have your vote?

Althea Davis: [ a beat ] He does.

Host: Moving on! Alright… “President Obama does an in-studio appearance on Hot 97. On his way out of the studio, he witnesses a fight that ends in gunfire…”

Ronny Williams: [ he shrugs ] It happens.

Host: But, hold on now. “The cops ask Obama who started it, and… he tells them.”

Ronny Williams: [ confused ] So he was snitching?!

Host: He was SNITCHING!

Ronny Williams: Ohhhh, my lord, Barack! What you DOING?!

Host: Wait, wait. I’m not even done. “Mitt Romney also sees the fight… don’t say nothin’.”

Ronny Williams: You know, I respect that — I do. But I can’t vote for Mitt Romney. He looks like the bad guy in every blaxploitation movie.

Althea Davis: I see him, and I’m like, “Look out, Dolemite!”

Ronny Williams: Barack’s still got my vote.

Host: Alright. Okay. Okay. Alright. “President Obama shuts down the Apollo!”

Ronny Williams: Must be renovating.

Althea Davis: They need to redo those floors.

Host: Very well! Next one! “After a thorough investigation, President Obama is arrested for the 1996 shooting of Tupac Shakur! Does he lose your vote?”

[ the panel gives this some serious thought ]

Ronny Williams: Look — it pains me to say this, it really does… but it’s a well-known fact that Tupac had a mouth on him.

Althea Davis: He had a temper, no question.

Host: Okay! And, finally, as always, we end with reminisces about the night Obama was elected.

[ “The Night Obama Was Elected” card appears ]

Ronny Williams: Mmm!

Althea Davis: Whooooo! My lord!

Host: You remember it? Even WHITE people celebrated! I saw ’em! Hugging each other and drinking champagne!

Ronny Williams: You know what I did? I went outside and breakdanced for three days straight!

Host: I kissed a police dog in the mouth!

Althea Davis: I had an open house for a week. I wasn’t selling my house — I just kept it open! People could just come and go as they pleased, I just stood in the middle of the living room like this: [ she stretches her arms out ]

Host: Alright, well, we’ll take a quick break. When we come back: Who do YOU think killed Nicole Brown Simpson? [ he gives an ominous look ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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