Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 18]]>
Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
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April 7th, 2012
Sofia Vergara
One Direction
None
Manolo Gonzalez
None Road to the White House
Summary: Campaigning around the country, Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) appeases each group he speaks with, in a vain attempt to fit in with their cultural ideals.
Recurring Characters: Mitt Romney, Ann Romney.
Transcript
Montage
Sofia Vergara’s MonologueSummary: Sofia Vergara talks about her roots in Columbia, introduces her son Manolo Gonzalez in the audience, and rolls words off her tongue that sound sexy with a Spanish accent.
Transcript
Just Friends Booty ShortsSummary: Two guys (Jason Sudeikis, Andy Samberg) want to make it clear that they are just friends, not gay lovers, so they wear the booty shorts that will set everyone straight.
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Bein’ Quirky with Zooey DeschanelSummary: From her kitchen, Zooey Deschanel (Abby Elliott) discusses quirky behavior with BFF Mary Drew Barrymore (Kristen Wiig), Michael Cera (Taran Killam), and Fran Drescher (Sofia Vergara).
Recurring Characters: Zooey Deschanel, Michael Cera, Drew Barrymore, Fran Drescher, Mayim Bialik, Joey Lawrence.
Almost PizzaSummary: Dad (Bill Hader) questions the mysterious new pizza facsimile that Mom (Kristen Wiig) is trying to convince him to eat.
Transcript
News PromoSummary: During a news promo shoot, traffic reporter Hope Hines (Fred Armisen) just can’t seem to grasp the concept of turning to face the camera.
GillySummary: After disrupting Mrs. Roberts’ (Sofia Vergara) Sex Ed class, Gilly (Kristen Wiig) is told to imagine the consequences of her actions during her life’s final moments.
Recurring Characters: Gilly, Sam Jeffers, Liam, Paula.
One Direction performs “What Makes You Beautiful”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan) is not looking forward to spending the Easter holiday with his family.
Recurring Characters: Drunk Uncle.
The Manuel Ortiz ShowSummary: Manuel Ortiz (Fred Armisen) and his guests dance their way through a segment in which a woman (Sofia Vergara) is reunited with her birth mother (Kristen Wiig), who is also seeing her husband (Bill Hader) behind her back.
Recurring Characters: Manuel Ortiz.
Lil PoundcakeSummary: The realistic doll that gives HPV vaccination shots to little girls.
Note: Repeat from 11b.
Watch What Happens: LiveSummary: Andy Cohen (Taran Killam).
Recurring Characters: Desmond Tutu.
One Direction performs “One Thing”
Pantene CommercialSummary: While taping a commercial for Pantene, Sofia Vergara is given the easy words to pronounce, while co-star Penelope Cruz (Kate McKinnon) is given the tougher, multi-syllabic words to stumble through.
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74th Annual Hunger GamesSummary: While covering the Hunger Games, field reporter Maria Gutierrez (Sofia Vergara) loudly gives away the hiding places of the competitors.
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GoodnightsTranscript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Frozen PlanetSummary: Narrator (Sofia Vergara) documents the animals who live in the Arctic.
FloridaSummary: A pair of explorers (Fred Armisen, Andy Samberg) discover the state of Florida.
The HorseSummary: A cowboy (Jason Sudeikis) encounters difficulty in getting off his high horse.