Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 18
Just Friends Booty Shorts
Guy #1…..Jason Sudeikis
Guy #2…..Andy Samberg
Gay Guy…..Taran Killam
[ open on two guys standing in line at coffee counter ]
Barista: Your Mint lattes. By the way — you guys are a really cute couple.
Guy #2: Uhhh…
Guy #1: Couple? No… [ he laughs ] No, no, no… uh… mmm-mmm.
Guy #1: Hey, check this out. It’s pretty cool. [ he opens a jewelry box ]
Clerk: It’s so nice to see couples antiquing.
Guy #1: [ exasperated ] We’re not a GAY couple!
Announcer: Tired of you and your straight friend being mistaken for a homosexual couple?[ the two guys shake their heads ] [ cut to the two guys jogging down the street, playfully swatting at one another as they run ]
Announcer: Set the record STRAIGHT… with Just Friends Booty Shorts.[ reveal rear shot of the two guys jogging, with “Just” and “Friends” printed across both of their shorts ]
Announcer: The tight-fitting blend of lycra and spandex will make sure the message gets out LOUD AND CLEAR![ cut to the two guys swinging one another around the street ]
“Do me a favor
Don’t love me so much.”
Announcer: For the look that SCREAMS: “We’re available, ladies.”[ the two guys run piggyback down the street, showing off for a trio of passing ladies ]
“You keep going in and out now
Messing with my mind.”
Gay Guy: Well, hel-lo! [ he glances down and sees the “Just Friends” shorts ] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! I — [ he runs off, embarrassed ] [ the two guys tip their cups triumphantly ]
Announcer: Available in both small… and tight.[ cut to Guy #1 playfully shoving an extra-long hot dog into Guy #2’s mouth ]
Announcer: And if you really want to get the point across… try one of our “Not Gay” tanktops.[ cut to the two guys in a bar, with “Not” and “Gay” written across their tanktops ]
Guy #1: [ as his cell phone rings ] I gotta take this. [ he answers ] Hello![ Guy #1 walks away, leaving Guy #2 alone at the bar in his “Gay” tanktop, which immediately attracts a couple of bears ] [ cut to the two guys swinging one another around the street ]
Announcer: Just Friends Booty Shorts.
Guy #1: Because we’re TOTALLY straight! Well… usually!
Guy #2: [ laughing ] Oh, you![ they laugh and playfully punch one another ]
Guy #1: Come here, you![ Guy #1 pulls Guy #2 backwards and kisses him on the lips ] [ fade ]