Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 21
One-A-Day Extra Strength Nasaflu
Wife: My husband and I have been feeling a little under the weather. Por Gary has been sneezing all day. [ Gary nods ] But with four kids, a good night’s sleep is essential. That’s why we need a cold medicine that —[ Gary breaks into a sneeze that erupts as a yell ]
Wife: [ startled ] That’s why we need a cold medicine that works… and works fast! Many leading —[ Gary again breaks into a sneeze that erupts as a yell ] [ she catches her breath once more ] [ cut to exterior hallway, as she starts over with Gary still in bed ]
Wife: As I was saying… With our busy lives, we can’t wait 48 hours for symptom relief —
Wife: GARY!! That sneeze is OUTRAGEOUS!![ cut to Gary’s wife locking herself in the bathroom ]
Wife: That’s why our family always chooses the brand —[ from the other side of the door, Gary yell-sneezes again ] [ she thrusts the door open to reveal Gary standing there ]
Wife: You sound like a LUNATIC!! You’re just SCREAMING! It is UNREAL! Just sneeze like a NORMAL person!
Wife: FUCK!! Gary!! [ she turns to the camera and smiles ] We always choose the brand that has been relied on —[ Gary yells-sneezes again, then four times more ]
Wife: [ continuing ] for years —[ Gary yell-sneezes yet again ] [ she turns around and bitch-slaps Gary several times ] [ cut to Gary lying in bed, as his wife pours Nasaflu into a glass of water ]
Wife: So try new One-A-Day Extra Strength Nasaflu. And don’t get slowed down by a little sickness.
Announcer: Nasaflu. For when you just —[ the sound of Gary yell-sneezes erupts yet again, as the product flies off the nightstand ] [ fade ]