SNL Transcripts: Mick Jagger: 05/19/12: Mick Jagger’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 22




11v: Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger’s Monologue

…..Mick Jagger

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Mick Jagger!

Mick Jagger: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you! THank you! It’s wonderful — it’s wonderful — it’s so wonderful to be here! Hosting “Saturday Night Live”! And you’re about to see me do what I do best — stand still and talk. You know, for a long time I’ve been Mick Jagger. You know? And because of that, I’ve met people from all over the world. And they always ask me the same questions. So tonight, I figured I would use the Monologue to answer all those Mick Jagger Frequently Asked Questions. So let’s begin!

The first one is, I’m always asked: “Hey, Mick… who’s your FAVORITE Rolling Stone?” Well… [ he shrugs and smiles ] I mean, that depends. If I’m allowed to pick myself, then I’d say the favorite is obviously… ME! [ the audience cheers ] But, you know, if I’m not allowed to pick myself, then I’d have to say: ] coyly ] “I don’t believe in playing favorites!”

The next question journalists always ask me, is: “Mick… who’s your favorite new group today?” Well… obviously, I LOVE the Foo Fighters. [ the audience cheers wildly ] And… and I love Arcade Fire. [ the audience cheers wildly ] But you know who really gets me excited these days? It’s the FreeCreditReport.com band. They’re my current favorites, anyway.

I’ve also been asked this question before: “Hey, Mick — When you’re onstage at a concert, you ask the crowd… you always ask the crowd: ‘How you doing tonight?’ And the audience would cheer, and then you’ll say: ‘I can’t hear you!'” And they say, “Is that true? Can you not hear us?” Well… I can hear you. It’s just that I’m not listening.

The next question is: “Mick…” You know, I get this one a lot. They say, “Mick, have you finally got Satisfaction?” Yeah. Bravo, it’s very clever. It’s a trick question, though. ‘Cause if I said “No”, then you’d be, like: “What’s your problem, man? I mean, exactly what more do you need?” And if I say “YES!”, then I can’t sing the song any more.

Anyway, people always ask this one: “Mick, do you have any regrets?” Do you want to hear something? A few years ago, I was approached by a newly-created restaurant chain called Ruby Tuesday’s. They aksed me if I would come along to their grand opening and sing the song “Ruby Tuesday” for a thousand dollars and a lifetime supply of their Jalapeno Poppers. I passed up on that offer! And, you know, not a day goes by that I DON’T REGRET THAT!! [ the audience laughs and cheers wildly ] Thank you! Other than that, though, no regrets at all.

So, are you ready for a great show?! [ the audience cheers wildly ] I CAN’T HEAR YOU!! [ the audience cheers more wildly ] That’s okay! WE’ve got a GREAT show for you tonight! I’m, uh… [ he squints at the cue cards ] Mick Jagger… and… don’t you DARE change the channel!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of