Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 37: Episode 22
An SNL Digital Short
…..Andy Samberg
…..Chris Parnell
Andy Samberg:
“Lazy Sunday
Slept right through my alarm!
Activate Siri and say
‘Call Parn!'”
Chris Parnell:
“Who dis?”
Andy Samberg:
“Its me, man!”
Chris Parnell:
“Yo, Samberg, kick facts!”
Andy Samberg:
“Tonight is the night!”
Chris Parnell:
“Broadway!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Sister Act!”
Andy Samberg:
“The shows not til later!”
Chris Parnell:
“Lets merc some brunch!”
Andy Samberg:
“I know a cute French place!”
Chris Parnell:
“Meet me outside — Crunch!”
Chris Parnell:
“My core is ripped
That workout was trill!”
Andy Samberg:
“Man, I can almost taste
those mimosas for real!”
Chris Parnell:
“Theyre makin changes at three
Wed better start jammin’!”
Andy Samberg:
“I love that brunch
more than McAdams loves Channing!”
Chris Parnell:
“Dub step!”
Chris Parnell:
“2:59!”
Andy Samberg:
“Made it on a technicality!”
Chris Parnell:
“Eggs benedict!”
Andy Samberg:
“No yolk!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Less calories!”
Chris Parnell:
“The plating is cray
I detect sage butter!”
Andy Samberg:
“How you wanna pay, Chris?”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Go Dutch, motherfucker!!”
Andy Samberg:
“Go to Sister Act!”
Chris Parnell:
“Like a pistol whack!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Buck wild in the streets
Off a sixer pack!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“We go to Sister Act
Like we got racks on racks!
Cause once you buy em
You cant give your tickets back!”
Andy Samberg: Yo, hold up, hold up! Hey, yo, Chris — were gonna have to hit em with some new mish for 2012, my dude! So why dont you drop it on em — like right now?
[ the rap styling shifts ]Chris Parnell:
“Allow me to reintroduce myself
My name is Parns
P to A-arns
Stupid bargains
up at all the Pottery Barns!”
Andy Samberg:
“Young Sandwich and I came to catch reck
Still waitin on a fucking YouTube check
Dont mess with Magnolia cause the lines too long!”
Chris Parnell:
“Plus it bumps with my clip!”
Andy Samberg:
“Now back to the song!”
Chris Parnell:
“Yo, peep the marquee!”
Andy Samberg:
“They some funny ass nuns!”
Chris Parnell:
“We got 99 problems!
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“But this sitch aint one!”
Chris Parnell:
“Sneak in the flask
Filled with sweet Vermouth!”
Andy Samberg:
“We take more shots in the theater!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Than John Wilkes Booth!!”
Chris Parnell:
“Flip up binocs!”
Andy Samberg:
“‘Cause were cultural mavens!”
Chris Parnell:
“Like dem and we scream out:”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Thats so Raven!!”
Andy Samberg:
“Go to Sister Act!”
Chris Parnell:
“Like a pistol whack!”
Andy Samberg:
“All up in the theater!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Like aristocrats!”
Chris Parnell:
“We gonna Sister Act!”
Andy Samberg:
“Like we got racks on racks!”
Chris Parnell:
“‘Cause once you buy ’em!”
Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“You cant give your tickets back!”
Andy Samberg:
“On these New York streets
I honed my fake rap penmanship!”
Chris Parnell:
“Thats how it began!”
Andy Samberg:
“And thats how Im a finish it!”