SNL Transcripts: Mick Jagger: 05/19/12: An SNL Digital Short

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 37: Episode 22

11v: Mick Jagger

An SNL Digital Short

…..Andy Samberg
…..Chris Parnell

[ SUPER: “An SNL Digital Short” ] [ open on scenes of New York City ] [ SUPER: “Chris Parnell” ] [ SUPER: “Andy Samberg” ] [ SUPER: “Lazy Sunday 2” ] [ cut to Andy Samberg jumping out of bed ]

Andy Samberg:
“Lazy Sunday
Slept right through my alarm!
Activate Siri and say
‘Call Parn!'”

[ cut to Chris Parnell working out at the gym ]

Chris Parnell:
“Who dis?”

Andy Samberg:
“It’s me, man!”

Chris Parnell:
“Yo, Samberg, kick facts!”

Andy Samberg:
“Tonight is the night!”

Chris Parnell:
“Broadway!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Sister Act!”

Andy Samberg:
“The show’s not ’til later!”

Chris Parnell:
“Let’s merc some brunch!”

Andy Samberg:
“I know a cute French place!”

Chris Parnell:
“Meet me outside — Crunch!”

[ cut to Andy and Chris meeting on a city street ]

Chris Parnell:
“My core is ripped
That workout was trill!”

Andy Samberg:
“Man, I can almost taste
those mimosas for real!”

Chris Parnell:
“They’re makin’ changes at three
We’d better start jammin’!”

Andy Samberg:
“I love that brunch
more than McAdams loves Channing!”

[ image of Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum appears ] [ jump-cuts to Andy and Chris jumping off steps ]

Chris Parnell:
“Dub step!”

[ more jump-cuts of Andy and Chris jumping off steps ] [ cut to Andy and Chris at brunch ]

Chris Parnell:
“2:59!”

Andy Samberg:
“Made it on a technicality!”

Chris Parnell:
“Eggs benedict!”

Andy Samberg:
“No yolk!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Less calories!”

Chris Parnell:
“The plating is cray
I detect sage butter!”

Andy Samberg:
“How you wanna pay, Chris?”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Go Dutch, motherfucker!!”

[ cut to Andy and Chris roaming the streets ]

Andy Samberg:
“Go to Sister Act!”

Chris Parnell:
“Like a pistol whack!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Buck wild in the streets
Off a sixer pack!”

[ they hold up a six-pack of Tab ]

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“We go to Sister Act
Like we got racks on racks!
‘Cause once you buy ‘em
You can’t give your tickets back!”

Andy Samberg: Yo, hold up, hold up! Hey, yo, Chris — we’re gonna have to hit ‘em with some new mish for 2012, my dude! So why don’t you drop it on ‘em — like right now?

[ the rap styling shifts ]

Chris Parnell:
“Allow me to reintroduce myself
My name is Parns
P to A-arns
Stupid bargains
up at all the Pottery Barns!”

Andy Samberg:
“Young Sandwich and I came to catch reck
Still waitin’ on a fucking YouTube check
Don’t mess with Magnolia ’cause the line’s too long!”

Chris Parnell:
“Plus it bumps with my clip!”

Andy Samberg:
“Now back to the song!”

[ return to the older rap style ]

Chris Parnell:
“Yo, peep the marquee!”

Andy Samberg:
“They some funny ass nuns!”

Chris Parnell:
“We got 99 problems!

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“But this sitch ain’t one!”

Chris Parnell:
“Sneak in the flask
Filled with sweet Vermouth!”

Andy Samberg:
“We take more shots in the theater!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Than John Wilkes Booth!!”

Chris Parnell:
“Flip up binocs!”

Andy Samberg:
“‘Cause we’re cultural mavens!”

Chris Parnell:
“Like dem and we scream out:”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“That’s so Raven!!”

[ cut to Andy and Chris roaming the streets ]

Andy Samberg:
“Go to Sister Act!”

Chris Parnell:
“Like a pistol whack!”

Andy Samberg:
“All up in the theater!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“Like aristocrats!”

Chris Parnell:
“We gonna Sister Act!”

Andy Samberg:
“Like we got racks on racks!”

Chris Parnell:
“‘Cause once you buy ’em!”

Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell:
“You can’t give your tickets back!”

Andy Samberg:
“On these New York streets
I honed my fake rap penmanship!”

Chris Parnell:
“That’s how it began!”

Andy Samberg:
“And that’s how I’m a finish it!”

[ Andy’s hand covers the camera lens, as a gunshot fires ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts