Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 2
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
September 22nd, 2012
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Mumford and Sons
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Live With Kelly & Michael
Summary: Kelly Ripa (Nasim Pedrad) gabs with her new permanent morning bo-host Michael Strahan (Jay Pharoah).
Recurring Characters: Kelly Ripa.
Transcript
Montage
Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Monologue
Summary: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is excited about his recent slate of movies, but is most stoked about Channing Tatum’s role in “Magic Mike” and performs his own version of the “It’s Raining Men” sequence.
Transcript
Low-Information Voters Of America
Summary: America’s undecided voters have an extensive collection of unreleated questions to ask about this year’s Presidential election.
Transcript
Tres Equis
Summary: Son of the world’s most interesting man (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) lives vicariously in his father’s shadow.
Transcript
Private Eye
Summary: Private eye Sam Flint (Bill Hader) has tailed his Mr. Morelli’s (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) cheating wife, but only has hand-drawn caricatures to prove it.
Transcript
Tres Equis II
Summary: Son of the world’s most interesting man (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) gets into a heated argument with his absentee father (Jason Sudeikis).
Transcript
Hypnotist
Summary: Curtis (Taran Killam) humors hypnotist Tommy Bergamont (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) into believing he’s put him under a deep, suggestive trance.
Transcript
G.O.B. Tampons
Summary: The new tampon designed by members of the Republican Party.
Mumford and Sons perform “I Will Wait”
Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Seth Meyers asks “What Are You Thinking?” after President Barack Obama makes an unnecessary verbal gaffe. Bashar al-Assad’s best friends from growing up (Fred Armisen, Vanessa Bayer) whisper about him behind his back. Anne Romney (Kate McKinnon) insists that she and Mitt are more connected to the average American than the celebrity-friendly Barack and Michelle Obama. ESPN anchor Stephen A. Smith (Jay Pharoah) name-drops athletes he’s only vaguely connected to.
Recurring Characters: Anne Romney, Bill Perry.
London
Summary: Bar buddies sing along to Hey Dude’s! (Mumford and Sons) cover version of “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away” and reminisce about odd times on the eve of Chris’ (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) wedding.
Recurring Characters: Bar Buddies.
Transcript
The Finer Things
Summary: Hosts Swade (Kenan Thompson) and Fort Knox (Jay Pharoah) discuss fine things like handbags and long-stemmed wine glasses with Jake Thriller (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Teddy Graham (Bobby Moynihan).
Mumford and Sons perform “Below My Feet”
Our Daughter
Summary: Mr. McKeon (Fred Armisen) sets up co-worker Tom (Tim Robinson) with his daughter Evelyn (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and introduces her awkwardly via an elaborate vocal performance.
Powers Realty
Summary: Burt (Tim Robinson) and Blair (Nasim Pedrad) speak out against the pranksters who are drawing balls and weiners all over their open-mouthed bust stop advertisements.
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Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
