SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 09/22/12: London


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 2

12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons


Larry Sandusky…..Bill Hader
Chris…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Kenan…..Kenan Thompson
Jason…..Jason Sudeikis
Hey Dude!…..Mumford and Sons

[ open on three buddies sitting at table in a London pub ]

Larry: Big day tomorrow! You ready?

Chris: I’m ready! Man, I really appreciate you guys flying all the way out here to London!

Kenan: Hey, man — You’re marrying a British girl, we get to try some British beers… that’s a win-win!

[ Jason steps forward ]

Jason: Did somebody say “beers”?

[ everyone excitedly grabs a beer ]

Jason: I tell you what, man — I am DIGGING the vibe of this place! London, England ROCKS! And I don’t know if you guys saw this, but it looks like they’ve got a cool Beatles cover band playing tonight.

[ the cover band, Hey Dude!, starts their set ]

Lead Singer: Good evening, everybody! We’re Hey, Dude! This first one goes out to Chris, who we heard is getting married tomorrow.

[ the buddies cheer ]

Chris: Did you guys do this?

Jason: Sure did!

Lead Singer: This one’s for you, Chris.

[ the band breaks into The Beatles’ “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away” ]

Chris: Aw, that’s my favorite song!

Jason: I know!

Chris: Thanks so much!

Jason: Absolutely!

Chris: So — how’s everybody’s trip been?

Jason: Hmm… Well, me and my lady had a little bit of a tough time getting through Customs. They ended up searching both of us and going through our bags. It got pretty intense?

Larry: They find anything?

Jason: Uh, yeah. Yeah. They found my girlfriend’s vibrator. Accidentally got switched on at some point during the flight, and they thought it might have been a BOMB or something.

Chris: Wow! So, then, did everyone around you see it?

Jason: [ laughing ] No! No! Thank God, no! They had to take us to a private room to, uh… to pull it out of my ass!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Jason: But the BATTERY is still in there!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Chris: [ to KT ] So, you’ve been in London for a while now, right?

Kenan: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All summer.

Jason: You having fun?

Kenan: Absolutely!

Jason: Oh, yeah? What, have you got a few ladies in the mix?

Kenan: Maybe! [ the guys chuckle mischieviously ] Seriously, though — I’ve been getting ladies up and down this city. I mean, it’s so much easier than back home, especially with these foreign girls. I was with this Croatian chick last night who was crazy about me.

Jason: Mmm.

Kenan: I mean, maybe not me. I told her I came here to be in the Olympics… and I never left.

Larry: Hey, man, that lady’s gonna be disappointed when she finds out you’re not an athlete.

Kenan: I know. She’s gonna be even MORE disappointed when she finds out that Michael Phelps is WHITE!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Kenan: [ holding up a CD with ribbon tied to it ] And THIS ain’t no gold medal!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Larry: You know what this song reminds me of?

Jason: Mmm-mmm.

Larry: My dad. He was a huge, HUGE Beatles fan. He got me into them as well. When I was a kid, he always said he’d take me to London, walk Abbey Road… but it never happened. He was always busy, wither with work or some charity stuff… he just never had time for me.

Kenan: Oh, that’s too bad, man…

Larry: It’s ironic, ’cause, six years later, I’M the busy one… and he’s got all the time in the world.

Jason: Oh, yeah — “Cat’s in the Cradle”, man!

Kenan: You should have brought him on this trip.

Larry: I can’t do that, he’s… he’s in JAIL. Yeah, just another day in the life of LARRY SANDUSKY!

Jason: Yeahhhhh!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Larry: My dad is JERRY Sandusky!

Jason: Yeah, I know!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Chris: Man, I LOVE The Beatles! You know, I’ve been tying to get my nephew into them…

Jason: Ah! Now, see — THAT’S a good uncle! How old’s this kid?

Chris: 11. His parents aren’t around any more, so he came to live with me and Lori.

Larry: That’s a big change for you guys.

Chris: Yeah! And, honestly, I didn’t like having him around at first, it was kind of a BURDEN. But we’ve started doing al this stuff together…

Jason: That’s good!

Chris: Yeah, he’s got this adventerous spirit! We started going to ball games and museusm, and I asked him: If he could go anywhere, where would it be? So he said, “Mexico”, and I said, “Alright, let’s do it!”

Jason: Nice! How did he like it?

Chris: It’s hard to say. I put him on a bus three months ago, and I haven’t seen him since!

Everyone: [ singing ] “Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!”

Chris: He sent me a letter — I did NOT open it!

Everyone: [ singing ]“Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!
Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!
Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!
Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away!!
Hey!! You’ve got hide your love away…!!”

[ the buddies and the cover band stand up to sing and dance through the audience, as the scene fades ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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