SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 09/22/12: Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 2






12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Monologue

…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Audience Member #1…..Aidy Bryant
Audience Member #2…..Kenan Thompson
Audience Member #3…..Cecily Strong
Audience Member #4…..Nasim Pedrad
Dancer #1…..Jay Pharoah
Dancer #2…..Taran Killam
Dancer #3…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: It is so great to be here, back hosting “Saturday Night Live!” You know, this year has been so amazing! I’ve been lucky to be in some great movies….. I have the movie “Looper” coming out. In that movie, I play a young version of Bruce Willis — so I guess I play Ashton Kutcher. I was also in “The Dark Knight Rises.”

But, you know what my favorite superhero movie of the summer was? “Magic Mike” — I’m serious, my friend Channing Tatum was so great in that. You know what my favorite part of “Magic Mike” was? This part!

[ Joseph rips of his suit and is now draped in only a vest, trousers, and fedora. The Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men” starts playing. AUDIENCE MEMBERS 1-3 are in glee. Joseph gyrates his pelvis while twirling an umbrella. He then proceeds to do push-ups and removes his fedora. ] [ ENTER DANCERS 1-3. All are dressed in the same manner as Joseph. Everyone removes their vest to show their bare chest except Bobby, who’s wearing a smaller vest underneath his previous vest. ] [ Joseph notices a FOURTH AUIDENCE MEMBER and makes his way over to her. He’s holding a Cosmopolitan drink and excited to see him. Joseph grinds her face into her crotch so hard she spills her drink. ] [ Bobby hands Joseph a confetti cannon and he fires it into the audience. ]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: We got a great show tonight! Mumford and Sons are here! Stick around, we’ll be right back!

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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