SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 09/22/12: Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 2

12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Monologue

…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Audience Member #1…..Aidy Bryant
Audience Member #2…..Kenan Thompson
Audience Member #3…..Cecily Strong
Audience Member #4…..Nasim Pedrad
Dancer #1…..Jay Pharoah
Dancer #2…..Taran Killam
Dancer #3…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: It is so great to be here, back hosting “Saturday Night Live!” You know, this year has been so amazing! I’ve been lucky to be in some great movies….. I have the movie “Looper” coming out. In that movie, I play a young version of Bruce Willis — so I guess I play Ashton Kutcher. I was also in “The Dark Knight Rises.”

But, you know what my favorite superhero movie of the summer was? “Magic Mike” — I’m serious, my friend Channing Tatum was so great in that. You know what my favorite part of “Magic Mike” was? This part!

[ Joseph rips of his suit and is now draped in only a vest, trousers, and fedora. The Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men” starts playing. AUDIENCE MEMBERS 1-3 are in glee. Joseph gyrates his pelvis while twirling an umbrella. He then proceeds to do push-ups and removes his fedora. ] [ ENTER DANCERS 1-3. All are dressed in the same manner as Joseph. Everyone removes their vest to show their bare chest except Bobby, who’s wearing a smaller vest underneath his previous vest. ] [ Joseph notices a FOURTH AUIDENCE MEMBER and makes his way over to her. He’s holding a Cosmopolitan drink and excited to see him. Joseph grinds her face into her crotch so hard she spills her drink. ] [ Bobby hands Joseph a confetti cannon and he fires it into the audience. ]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: We got a great show tonight! Mumford and Sons are here! Stick around, we’ll be right back!

Submitted by: Cody Downs

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