SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 09/22/12: Tres Equis


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 2

12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons

Tres Equis

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Companion…..Kate McKinnon

(A Lothario type with a white suit and a rather pathetic goatee struts into a bar.)

Announcer: He can make a woman cringe, just by entering a room.

(The man fires his fingers like a gun at two beautiful women, who cringe and look away. He sidles up to one and she walks away in disgust.)

He owns five different styles of fedora.

(In his bathroom, the man tries on different fedoras, finding one he approves of.)

When he orders at Starbucks, he always gives a fake name.

(A Barista hands him a cup, which he proudly displays as being labeled “King Dong.”)

He claims he dated a model, but her only modeling work was an ad for her dad’s Car dealership, and they never had sex.

(He lovingly caresses a framed portrait of a woman, nodding self-satisfactorally)

He can sort of break-dance.

(He does, for an unimpressed-looking woman.)

And he accidentally sent a photo of his penis to the guy who just delivered his chinese food.

He is…the Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World.

(The Man sits at a bar, with a Tres Equis beer, next to a very bored looking blonde companion.)

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer “Tres Equis.” It’s one equis better than my dad’s beer, because he was never there for me. It’s two parts “Dos Equis” and one part none of your business. (Raising his beer in a toast) Keep Bangin’, my friends.

Announcer: Tres Equis. That means “Triple X,” homies.

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: (Toasting) To boobies!

Submitted by: Ted Zoldan

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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